So Sue Me
In case you missed it, Guns N’ Roses—or what’s left of it, seeing as Axl Rose has driven anyone else of consequence out of the band—has finally released Chinese Democracy. It’s been a whoppping 17 years since the last album of original GNR material.
But the biggest story isn’t the music. It’s the Dr Pepper.
The beverage maker (which, by the way, officially dropped the period after “Dr” in the 1950s) decided earlier this year to give a free drink to everyone in America if Chinese Democracy actually saw release in 2008. Dr Pepper put a coupon for the soda on its Web site.
Then the madness began. The site crashed under the weight of free-drink seekers, you see. So the company extended the coupon availability and took extra measures to meet customer demand.
What’s Axl’s reaction to all this free additional publicity for his album? Guns N’ Roses may sue Dr Pepper so the band’s remaining fans don’t blame Axl for confusion about the coupon process.
Yes, really.
The landslide of potential lawsuits in the wake of this news is astounding. Look who else is filing court claims:
Georgia: This summer’s conflict with Russia put the country on the map for many Americans. That’s a shame for the Caucasian country’s secret plans to annex the other Georgia—you know, the one with ATL and millions of peaches—to remove all confusion about its name. Too bad the halfway-around-the-world Georgians brought it on themselves by attacking the breakaway region of South Ossetia and bringing Russian wrath—and the world’s attention—down on them.So they will sue themselves.
Sarah Palin: The Alaska Governor will sue the Republican Party and Senator John McCain for making her the party’s vice presidential candidate this year. All that attention is giving her big time ambitions, and that’s just not healthy.Reportedly, her claim seeks $10 million for emotional damages … as well as permanent ownership of every designer outfit the party had bought for her to wear during the campaign.
Dr Pepper: Who still drinks this crap, anyway? With all the attention Guns N’ Roses is giving the drink, the company’s plans to fade into oblivion are ruined. So Dr Pepper will now countersue.Not for any cash, mind you. They just want GNR to bury Chinese Democracy in a time capsule for 17 more years.
posted by David Amulet @ 6:11 AM
17 wisecracks
17 Comments:
I am suing you because ny neice drinks Dr Pepper and you called her favorite drink crap, thus causing her to lose sleep over your comment and now I must take valuable time out of my schedule to console her.
And I am also suing you because I had to type the word niece, spelling it incorrectly and showing off my dyslexic disability thus causing me extreme public humiliation.
I drink diet Dr Pepper. I think it's a nice alternative to the colas. To each his own, I guess.
Me, I'm thinking of suing this whoissecretdubai person for poisoning our collective comments area with questions we couldn't care less about.
Dude, who gives a flying f*** who the secret dubai idiot is?
I keep getting that secret dubai thing too and deleting it....
David -
I can't think of a witty thing to say but I liked your post and think Axl Rose just proved (again) that he is an @sshat.
Nessa:I will countersue you for stressing me with the threat of suing me. I didn't know anybody drank Dr Pepper these days!
Dubai Dude: There is nothing humble about comment spam. Shame.
Cube: Maybe Secret Dubai is really Fred Thompson. Has anyone heard form him lately?
First he gives Robert Palmer the news, then he amputates Harvey Danger's leg and makes him paranoid, and now this...
Dr Pepper owns Yoo-hoo, not to be confused with Yahoo!, which everyone is suing.
Southerners call Dr Pepper "cokes" -- as in "Do you want a Coke?" and then they give you a glass full of Dr Pepper. I thought I was being poisoned.
sipli<--a very, very small amount of a diet soda.
I love Dr Pepper!! They have some good new flavors, but I actually prefer Mr Pibb
Maybe the Detroit Lions should sue the NFL for making them play real teams resulting in the strong possibility that they may not win a game this year. The league should have seen how bad they were and brought in a high school for the Lions to play so they could win and not feel so bad about themselves.
I'm going to sue Axl for subjecting me to reading and hearing about this damn album for what seems like a generation.
BTW, have you seen what's left of Steven Adler on "Celebrity Rehab"? After years of drug abuse, a stroke and a coma, yikes...
Me, I'm waiting for the inevitable Mr Pibb/Dr Pepper combo... I'm there for a Mr Pepper!
I have nothing to comment on; I've been sued for what little intelligence, charm, alacrity and wit I had to write such things.
Sorry, bud, I've always loved Dr. Pepper.
Is Sarah really filing suit or is that just your wit? She's hot for a Republican, but she had no business being put into the immediate limelight like that. We all should sue the t-shirt makers of the "She Can Do It!" shirt with Sarah's mug atop Rosie the Riveter.
I still haven't heard Chinese Democracy yet.
Dude, I'm just grateful that you aren't the secretduba.
Lovely... Axl/Dr Pepper tying up the court system with more frivolous lawsuits. The best thing about Dr Pepper were those commercials with David Naughton (I'm a Pepper He's a pepper She's a pepper...) they made when I was a kid.
Boy, Dr. Pepper does something nice and this crap happens???
I've always felt the Press has treated Sarah Palin unfairly--no surprise, since the Press sides with the Democratic Party. And now she's using the Press to make her hotter than she already is (if that's possible)--good for her!
But assuming this story is not a joke, her attempt to sue the Republican Party is downright ridiculous! As Kenny Rogers sings, "You got to...know when to fold 'em."
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