Border Wars, Episode III: Revenge of the Swiss

Just the other day I was thinking about threats to international peace and security. (It’s a pastime; I'll get over it.)

I pondered the chances of America going to war with Iran. Or the odds of North Korea invading South Korea. Perhaps the world would use force in Sudan to try to end the suffering in Darfur.

But my focus was clearly on the wrong threat. Because while we were distracted by Iraq, Afghanistan, and so on, we missed the actual danger.

While nobody was watching last week, Switzerland accidentally invaded Liechtenstein.

I’m serious.

The Swiss would have us believe that a regular training exercise went awry. That nearly two hundred soldiers lost their way in the darkness and didn’t notice the border. That they didn’t mean to enter tiny Liechtenstein—a country of 34,000 people but no army—carrying assault rifles.

Let’s look at this with a dose of Amulet wisdom.

Switzerland has been the laughingstock of Europe, even the world, for centuries. Neighbors see the country as a soft land of watch-making chocolatiers, weaklings who can’t rouse themselves to get involved in any of the cataclysmic wars surrounding them.

(Well, except to keep the belligerents’ money safe. They’re good at that.)

Perhaps they’ve heard enough “Swiss miss” jokes. I can imagine they got sick of getting asked why their trademark cheese has so many holes. Or maybe one too many tourists walked through the streets of Geneva yelling “Ricola!”

Whatever the reason, the Swiss are mad as hell, and they aren’t going to take it anymore.

It’s a good thing all of Switzerland’s other neighbors are all so much more populous than Liechtenstein, with strong militaries and a tradition of successful defense. Nobody needs to worry about having to turn on their heels in a panic, to fall over themselves trying to surrender, and to be overrun by the small Swiss militia.

None of these countries need to fear the Swiss army.

Except you, France.