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Friday, February 24, 2006

A Marriage for the Dogs

Weddings often have surprises.

If you go to enough ceremonies, you’ll see some funny things. A flower girl will refuse to walk down the aisle. A bridesmaid will pass out. A groom will shout “I don’t,” kiss the priest instead of the bride, and skip toward the door while giggling like a schoolgirl.

Maybe that last one was just my friend Dennis. (Well, now Denise.)

Regardless, madcap antics often surround the exchange of nuptials. But nowhere have such shenanigans reached the level attained by a recent wedding in India. A 7-year-old girl in the country’s eastern state of Bihar married a dog.

(Disclosure: This is a tale I could not invent; I wouldn’t have even known about it if not for Manic Mom, who suggested in her comment on my last post that I address this odd topic. And I would not have made time to write this tonight if not for my ardent supporter Jay Lassiter, whose affirming insistence that I write more often has kicked my ass into action. Just this once.)

Back to our story. That was NOT a typo—a girl truly married a dog. And not one of those fancy Westminster Kennel Club types, either … it was just some random stray.

This pairing seemed like a swell idea to the girl’s family, which agreed to the wedding because—again, I’m not making this up—the ritual would do away with the “evil eye” that cursed her because her upper teeth came in before her lower teeth.

For the record, let me thank my parents publicly for not raising me in the Indian state of Bihar.

I’m not one to criticize other cultures, or argue that one society’s superstition is any more “valid” than another’s. But I’m really going to need some help with this one. If you have any insight, please educate us—how, precisely, does marrying a dog deny a tooth-induced evil eye? And, I hesitate to ask, does removing this curse require a consummation of the marriage?

Whatever the answer, it takes a cur-ageous girl to marry a dog. Either that, or the bride’s mother was a real bitch.

All this makes me wonder which teeth came in to prompt this kind of madness. Was it the molars? The incisors?

Nope. It was clearly the canines.

32 Comments:

At February 24, 2006 11:21 PM, Blogger Ben Heller replied to my musings ...

I've got flat feet. Which species will I have to marry ?

There's tax benefits for married couples I guess.

I wonder how Fido signed the registry certificate ?

Phoenix had a story recently about a girl who married a dolphin.Crazy, crazy world

 
At February 24, 2006 11:23 PM, Blogger Teri replied to my musings ...

I am surprised that you didn't touch the fact that the girl was only 7 when she got married.

I could make a comment like all men are dogs anyway.. but I actually don't believe that :) heheheh

 
At February 25, 2006 1:44 AM, Blogger Laurie replied to my musings ...

Let's just hope that the groom didn't try to hump any of the guest's legs.

 
At February 25, 2006 2:11 AM, Blogger Sarah replied to my musings ...

I have always thought that Indian culture was meant to be some what of a shocker, as it viewed by most as savage and primitive. This could be God's way (or if you don't believe in God, Karma's way) of balancing the world. There are different kinds and types of people (human nature) Believe it or not, it's very rare you see a story like this hit newstands or even be interesting, as it seems truly unbelievable. Indian people do what they can to make an image for themselves. Like that one guy eating a thousand, live baby snakes. I think they believe you must partake in a disturbing act to actually be noticed around the world.

 
At February 25, 2006 8:16 AM, Blogger :P fuzzbox replied to my musings ...

Very punny post indeed. Glad you found a topic that you could really sink your teeth into.

 
At February 25, 2006 8:19 AM, Blogger siren replied to my musings ...

The evil eye would avoid her because it would see her and say "My God, that girl is married to a dog". Then it would hurry away, like we do when we see crazy people on the street.

That's what I heard, anyway.

 
At February 25, 2006 9:46 AM, Blogger LostInTX replied to my musings ...

As shocking as it is that she married a dog I think it's more shocking that she is a)7 years old and b) that her family actually pushed this! I mean, come on, at 7 who doesn't love their dog? LOL
The parents disgustingly amaze me that they have no respect for their daughter.

Why don't they just get an evil eye bracelet like the rest of us?
Geez....

 
At February 25, 2006 12:32 PM, Blogger Jamie Dawn replied to my musings ...

I was clearly the canines! That is funny!!

Those parents should have checked that mutt's background. He has fathered then abandoned many pups and clearly has no intention of working hard to provide for this girl so she can continue living in the manner she is used to. He truly loves the girl, but he is not at all attracted to her sexually, which means she will never bear her parents any grandchildren. And to top it all off, the mutt has fleas.

I'd say that evil eye is glaring upon them.

 
At February 25, 2006 2:13 PM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

It's obvious from the comments so far that I'm not the only one whom this story gave -- sorry, folks, I can't resist -- dramatic paws.

-- david

 
At February 25, 2006 5:26 PM, Blogger angel, jr. replied to my musings ...

My armpit hair of my left arm is bushier than my right arm. What kind of animal will I have to marry?

 
At February 25, 2006 5:35 PM, Anonymous Bruce replied to my musings ...

This story really went to the dogs, didn't it?

 
At February 25, 2006 5:41 PM, Blogger jay lassiter replied to my musings ...

when i was little my permanent teeth grew in before my baby teeth fell out. so there i was with multiple rows of teeth. until i got braces it was pretty gnarley. Maybe that's why i am blessed with such a big penis?

 
At February 25, 2006 6:34 PM, Blogger Amy replied to my musings ...

You've gotta love "equal opportunity mockery."

Ha and etc...
Amy

 
At February 25, 2006 10:13 PM, Blogger FredCQ replied to my musings ...

Apparently, this happens all the time..

http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2004/02/04/1075853936802.html?from=storyrhs

 
At February 26, 2006 4:52 AM, Blogger ChickyBabe replied to my musings ...

Imagine how much of a real bitch the mother in law would be!

 
At February 26, 2006 6:38 PM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

It's a dog-eat-dog competition for the best comment!

-- david

 
At February 26, 2006 7:16 PM, Blogger Davydgrey replied to my musings ...

Hair I was just going to say that I saw the article and nothing more, but with all the mutterings and bitchings that your post has generated, I couldn't pawssibly resist adding to the doggie-style howling. Hopefully, I am not barking up the wrong tree, as I always did think it was a dog eat girl world.

 
At February 26, 2006 9:15 PM, Blogger Ann Alsex replied to my musings ...

Wonder what they played at the reception? I would have gone with Donnie Osmonds, 'They call it puppy love.'

 
At February 26, 2006 11:23 PM, Blogger Jamie Dawn replied to my musings ...

"dramatic paws" That's a goodie... a groaner, but a goodie.

 
At February 27, 2006 5:10 AM, Blogger An80sNut replied to my musings ...

I'm really thinking that the parents let her marry a dog to get around paying a dowry. Good to know that people around the world value the idea of marriage.

 
At February 27, 2006 8:04 AM, Anonymous Bruce replied to my musings ...

Who Let the Dogs Out was played as the bride walked down the aisle, I bet...

 
At February 27, 2006 8:42 AM, Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen replied to my musings ...

That is just sad.

I love my dog but...really....c'mon. And I was going to crack a joke about what their children would look like but that is just too gross to mention.

Ewwww.

 
At February 27, 2006 10:57 AM, Blogger none - ya replied to my musings ...

Stacy said she lover her dog but. Ha ha. That was the funniest thing I read all day. Thank you Stacy.

 
At February 27, 2006 10:58 AM, Blogger none - ya replied to my musings ...

lover = loved

 
At February 27, 2006 12:20 PM, Blogger The Phoenix replied to my musings ...

Doggie style is not meant to be taken literally.

Let me see if I can help you out, my friend. In that part of the country, marrying a dog is good luck. It's an ancient custom, and the girl is free to marry a human later - without any divorce from the dog.

Last year, some dude from Nepal did the same thing. He married a dog for good luck. Unfortunately, he died 3 days later.

 
At February 27, 2006 1:15 PM, Blogger Dirk the Feeble replied to my musings ...

I was with you until the very end - that last joke was BAD!

 
At February 27, 2006 2:23 PM, Blogger LocuTus of Borg replied to my musings ...

Stupid. Is that like the woman that married a dolphin? Some people just are not right in the head - but whats up with Dennis who is now called Denise? You need to relay that story ;)

 
At February 27, 2006 3:57 PM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

What can I say ... coming up with a good story is "ruff!"

-- david

 
At February 27, 2006 5:43 PM, Blogger Sdit. replied to my musings ...

Dogs can do far superior things that men cannot.

Can men lick their own balls?
Will men bark, fetch, roll over, and play dead for a woman's satisfaction?

The marraige makes perfect sense to me. ;D

 
At February 27, 2006 8:44 PM, Blogger Leah replied to my musings ...

for some reason I was thinking about this post on the drive to work this morning and realized that it could be a lot worse for this kid. I mean...she could be marrying her Uncle Jimmy. At least by marrying the dog, she's guaranteed that she can marry a real man at some point. And no one told her to consummate it.

 
At February 27, 2006 10:38 PM, Blogger Layla replied to my musings ...

I can't compete with these comments! Thanks for adding me to your links, your on mine too!

 
At February 28, 2006 12:24 AM, Blogger Manic Mom replied to my musings ...

Okay, I am completely honored that you wrote what I asked you to write about--you are so cool.

I was cracking up at all of your internal jokes, and then laughed more at the humorous comments from the peanut gallery--there are sure some clever readers out there!

When the story reported she was 7, was that in dog years?

One other question: On their wedding night, did the dog request they do it Manny-Style?

Buh-dump-bump! Thank you folks, I'll be here all night.

Now will you do a story on the guy who dropped his girlfriend from the 23rd floor of their apartment? Apparently, they were arguing. Apparently, he won the agrument.

 

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