A Saucy Call
If you’re like most people, you can remember plenty of situations when you wish a police officer had been nearby.
Maybe you watched someone steal a purse and run away into the crowd. It’s possible a car ran a red light in front of you. Or perhaps something more serious befell you, and you witnessed battery, arson, or murder.
Whatever it was, feel free to imagine yourself getting so upset at the wrong you had witnessed that you called 911 right away for emergency assistance.
That’s exactly what Reginald Jackson of Jacksonville, Florida did earlier this month when he suffered an offense so dreadful, so heinous, that he felt compelled to call the police:
His sandwich had no sauce.
So he dialed 911 … and then dialed again to protest officers’ slow response to his “emergency.”
Off the top of my head, I can think of several things more worthy of a 911 call than a sauceless sandwich:
The announcement that Britney Spears probably will perform at this year’s MTV Video Music Awards.
Brett Favre’s legacy-tainting return to the NFL.
Hilary Clinton having her name placed in nomination at the Democratic convention—after conceding the race two months ago.
China’s use of underage gymnasts in the Olympics.
posted by David Amulet @ 5:37 PM
17 wisecracks
17 Comments:
Oh good, you're still blogging! You scared me.
I can not believe someone had the audacity to call the cops for this. Perhaps he has a tiny little anger issue? Glad they hauled him off to the the joint.
haha I heard this sauce story too and thought it was hilarious! I believe I heard it on the Soup on E
I also heard that Brit asked Seacrest to team up with her, but that evidently was false, I watch too much E.
The underage gymnasts is an unfair advantage but can't do anything about it now. Good to see you back
Back in black, it's a good thing to see! It's like the time a guy called the cops on me because I stole his parking space. Not like I was ahead of him or anything and he tried to get around me. The cops just laughed and left. When they did the guy started yelling at me and I hit him as hard as I could, blooying his nose and lip. "Now go call the cops, jackass." They failed to respond...wonder why.
His sandwich had no sauce? Well, that sort of depends. What kind of sandwich was it? Like a reuben, isn't a reuben without the dressing. Or even the Big Mac, without the special sauce is just two hamburgers put together.
Barbara: We'll see how long I last. I'm busy as hell and writing for free isn't at the top of the list. In this case, I'm not sure it's an anger problem as much as a poor judgment one.
Phats: Good to be back. Isn't Britney performing with Seacrest a sign of the Boring Apocalypse?
Mike: Thanks. What a great story! I think I'll adapt that for use in my new screenplay, "Justice on the Rocks."
Angel: Either way, it's not worth tying up an emergency line. Unless you're REALLY hungry.
I heard about the sauce guy...what a wacko. I think his reaction to this was a sign that there's a larger issue there! :)
Sigh--I remember this incident.
On a personal level, I was driving through Checkers once (yes, as a matter of fact, I deserved what was about to happen) when a guy BEGGED me to use my cell phone at the window, because of some infraction with his burger.
There was a pay phone right next to him so I just gave him some change. I did not stick around to see how that turned out...
Back to the Jacksonville guy, I could see if it was something deliberate and malicious like they spit on his sandwich or something like that. Or maybe I could see myself doing it if I was down to my last ten bucks and the guy screwed up my sandwich and he was a real smartass about it.
I mean it's better to call the police than it is to punch the sandwich guy or whatever.
Jessica: I guess I'm odd in not having heard about this guy. You all must have better sources than me. And better sauces.
ZW: You fell for the $0.50 "ask the drive-through customer to use his cell phone" scam? Dumbass.
I heard about this story too...and originally thought it was a joke!
Only in Florida. What a bunch of wackos we have down here, huh?
Yeah, I heard about this moron, but didn't post about it because he was from Florida. As a Floridian, I often ask myself, "Why does so much crazy $hit come out of here?"
Guess what, Britney is NOT performing now. Hang up the phone!
PQ: It may be a joke, who knows. But it was reported by enough news outlets that I'd like to believe it's real.
Cube: What? There are crazy people in Florida?!?
Beckeye: I've changed my mind. I'm calling 911 because MTV still exists, regardless of who they put on the VMAs.
Hello David. I'm a newbie here and found ya through Pop*Eye's blog. LOL, I heard about this on the radio and tv and was like WTF is going on with this world? Awhile ago, I heard how somebody was shot at a Wendy's drive-thru for something really stupid (the customer didn't get enough sauce or ketchup or something so freakin silly and they got MAD!!!) CRAZY!!!
Don't get saucy with me, Bernaise!!!!
Renee: Thanks for stopping by. This post seems to attract all the saucy people. And just for the record, those charges against me for shooting folks at the Wendy's drive-through were dropped.
Cube: That sounds like a musical or something. Probably something.
someone must've subpeonaed Brit since I understand she's bowed out of the VMA's, damnation :)
oh that is classic...how funny...like he didn't think that the subway workers would be pissing all over his food after calling the cops on them?
don;t worry, he will find a lawyer soon enough and sue them all and win millions...and write his own memoir earning millions more.
glad you decided to keep blogging :)
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