Earth Gone Wild
Last week, European astronomers revealed their discovery of a remarkable set of planets.
Only the throw of a stone away in cosmic terms (42 light-years) lies HD 40307—which we now know has at least three planets not much larger than Earth, according to this article at Astronomy.com.
The experts have not found any signs of life, of course. Nevertheless, this discovery makes me wonder about how things in history might have played out on three different Earths:
Britney Spears
Earth #1: Like in our world, Britney marries K Fed, divorces him, and then goes all kooky.
Earth #2: Britney stays married to K Fed, popping out a baby once every year or so to compete with Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt for the title of most-children-to-a-celebrity couple.
Earth #3: Britney stays with Justin Timberlake and lives happily ever after—leaving J.T.’s Earth #1 girlfriend, Jessica Biel, available for David Amulet.
The Roman Empire
Earth #1: Like in our world, Rome collapses in the middle of the first millennium C.E., leading to the Dark Ages.
Earth #2: The Roman Empire sticks around just long enough to colonize America before crumbling, leaving the U.S. full of city names like Julius City and New Napoli.
Earth #3: The Romans maintain their empire forever, making Latin the world’s only language and keeping the world from having to experience French.
Metallica
Earth #1: Like in our world, Metallica follows … And Justice For All with the radio-friendly “Black Album,” gaining millions of new fans and pissing off die-hard fans of the band’s earlier music.
Earth #2: Metallica returns to its metal best, churning out album after album of the same music, prompting fans to bitch and moan that the group just plays the same old shit time and time again.
Earth #3: Metallica follows Justice with Master of Puppets II: Electric Boogaloo, which starts a fad in heavy metal breakdancing that eventually becomes the foundation of a harmonious and peaceful world society.
posted by David Amulet @ 7:27 PM
15 wisecracks
15 Comments:
How in the world do you come up with these things? I bet this one evolved around a Jessica Beil fantasy you were having while listening to Metallica in a French restaurant. No that makes no sense....change that to while you were eating French FRIES.
I think I need to make reservations for my next vacation at Earth 3. Sounds like a wonderful place. Maybe if I'm lucky I can get Adriana Lima.
I heard from a half-assed reliable source that some guy once paid Jessica Biel $30,000 to have lunch with her.
How do you compete with $H!t like that??
Jessica Biel? Oh David, David. Eh tu?
*shakes head*
;-)
Barbara: I only type what the voices in my head tell me to.
Jeff: I'll share her with you.
ZW: What did the other half-ass say? Maybe that someone paid Henry Cavill $2,500 for tea?!?
Lisa: If you're referring to her face, I can't argue. But you must admit she has a body worth writing home about. In haiku AND pantoum form.
Some might argue that the Roman Empire continued through to the 15th century as the Byzantine Empire. Although Rome itself had been sacked and removed from power and the western empire... this could go one for quite a bit. Currently reading a book about Medieval Europe... I don't think Rome continuing would have stopped French from existing. It would have simply confined it better.
lol. Good post. "Heavy metal break dancing" YES. :D
Metallica on Earth 3: Instead of joining Dream Theater, Jordan Rudess becomes the PREMIERE talent in Metal Breakdancing prompting a whole line of related products including the Jordan Rudess action figure.
I think I'll just head for Pluto.
Metallica on Earth4- Lars Ulrich is beaten to death by an angry mob of members of the Geek Squad.
Wait for me Phoenix!
LOL
WIGSF: I agree--some MIGHT argue that the Roman Empire continued through Byzantium. Then again, some claim that when then-Constantinople fell, Moscow became the Third Rome. Crazy ideas, all. There is only one Eternal City.
Jessica: Gracias. I thought the idea might catch on.
Perplexio: That's one action figure I can do without. He's my least favorite part of DT, despite his amazing abilities.
Bruce: I can picture that--and it's not pretty.
Phoenix, Dabich: Sign me up, too. I've always been interested in Charon.
These are good lists there David
I just don't see the appeal of Jessica Biel maybe it's that she was on 7th Heaven, not thinking she looks that hot. But good luck with that you know she and JT wont last
Who knows. According to the multiple worlds theory, all of those realities may exist at the same time! Now that's a scary thought.
Phats: If you blocked out her face and just looked at her body, you wouldn't disagree. Just sayin.
Cube: In some other world, you posted this and I left YOUR comment. Wow.
Post a Comment
<< Home