Sunday, June 29, 2008

Earth Gone Wild

Last week, European astronomers revealed their discovery of a remarkable set of planets.

Only the throw of a stone away in cosmic terms (42 light-years) lies HD 40307—which we now know has at least three planets not much larger than Earth, according to this article at

The experts have not found any signs of life, of course. Nevertheless, this discovery makes me wonder about how things in history might have played out on three different Earths:

Britney Spears

Earth #1: Like in our world, Britney marries K Fed, divorces him, and then goes all kooky.

Earth #2: Britney stays married to K Fed, popping out a baby once every year or so to compete with Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt for the title of most-children-to-a-celebrity couple.

Earth #3: Britney stays with Justin Timberlake and lives happily ever after—leaving J.T.’s Earth #1 girlfriend, Jessica Biel, available for David Amulet.

The Roman Empire

Earth #1: Like in our world, Rome collapses in the middle of the first millennium C.E., leading to the Dark Ages.

Earth #2: The Roman Empire sticks around just long enough to colonize America before crumbling, leaving the U.S. full of city names like Julius City and New Napoli.

Earth #3: The Romans maintain their empire forever, making Latin the world’s only language and keeping the world from having to experience French.


Earth #1: Like in our world, Metallica follows … And Justice For All with the radio-friendly “Black Album,” gaining millions of new fans and pissing off die-hard fans of the band’s earlier music.

Earth #2: Metallica returns to its metal best, churning out album after album of the same music, prompting fans to bitch and moan that the group just plays the same old shit time and time again.

Earth #3: Metallica follows Justice with Master of Puppets II: Electric Boogaloo, which starts a fad in heavy metal breakdancing that eventually becomes the foundation of a harmonious and peaceful world society.


At June 29, 2008 9:38 PM, Blogger Barbara(aka Layla) replied to my musings ...

How in the world do you come up with these things? I bet this one evolved around a Jessica Beil fantasy you were having while listening to Metallica in a French restaurant. No that makes no sense....change that to while you were eating French FRIES.

At June 30, 2008 11:42 AM, Blogger Jeff replied to my musings ...

I think I need to make reservations for my next vacation at Earth 3. Sounds like a wonderful place. Maybe if I'm lucky I can get Adriana Lima.

At June 30, 2008 5:47 PM, Blogger Zen Wizard replied to my musings ...

I heard from a half-assed reliable source that some guy once paid Jessica Biel $30,000 to have lunch with her.

How do you compete with $H!t like that??

At June 30, 2008 5:54 PM, Anonymous LisaBinDaCity replied to my musings ...

Jessica Biel? Oh David, David. Eh tu?

*shakes head*


At June 30, 2008 7:59 PM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

Barbara: I only type what the voices in my head tell me to.

Jeff: I'll share her with you.

ZW: What did the other half-ass say? Maybe that someone paid Henry Cavill $2,500 for tea?!?

Lisa: If you're referring to her face, I can't argue. But you must admit she has a body worth writing home about. In haiku AND pantoum form.

At July 01, 2008 1:24 PM, OpenID whatigotsofar replied to my musings ...

Some might argue that the Roman Empire continued through to the 15th century as the Byzantine Empire. Although Rome itself had been sacked and removed from power and the western empire... this could go one for quite a bit. Currently reading a book about Medieval Europe... I don't think Rome continuing would have stopped French from existing. It would have simply confined it better.

At July 01, 2008 5:57 PM, Blogger Jessica replied to my musings ...

lol. Good post. "Heavy metal break dancing" YES. :D

At July 01, 2008 6:25 PM, Blogger Perplexio replied to my musings ...

Metallica on Earth 3: Instead of joining Dream Theater, Jordan Rudess becomes the PREMIERE talent in Metal Breakdancing prompting a whole line of related products including the Jordan Rudess action figure.

At July 01, 2008 9:49 PM, Blogger The Phoenix replied to my musings ...

I think I'll just head for Pluto.

At July 02, 2008 2:32 AM, Blogger Bruce replied to my musings ...

Metallica on Earth4- Lars Ulrich is beaten to death by an angry mob of members of the Geek Squad.

At July 07, 2008 7:05 AM, Blogger DaBich replied to my musings ...

Wait for me Phoenix!

At July 07, 2008 8:21 PM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

WIGSF: I agree--some MIGHT argue that the Roman Empire continued through Byzantium. Then again, some claim that when then-Constantinople fell, Moscow became the Third Rome. Crazy ideas, all. There is only one Eternal City.

Jessica: Gracias. I thought the idea might catch on.

Perplexio: That's one action figure I can do without. He's my least favorite part of DT, despite his amazing abilities.

Bruce: I can picture that--and it's not pretty.

Phoenix, Dabich: Sign me up, too. I've always been interested in Charon.

At July 07, 2008 10:23 PM, Blogger Phats replied to my musings ...

These are good lists there David

I just don't see the appeal of Jessica Biel maybe it's that she was on 7th Heaven, not thinking she looks that hot. But good luck with that you know she and JT wont last

At July 10, 2008 11:14 AM, Blogger cube replied to my musings ...

Who knows. According to the multiple worlds theory, all of those realities may exist at the same time! Now that's a scary thought.

At July 13, 2008 12:25 PM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

Phats: If you blocked out her face and just looked at her body, you wouldn't disagree. Just sayin.

Cube: In some other world, you posted this and I left YOUR comment. Wow.


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