Monday, April 28, 2008

World Leaders Gone Wild

Once upon a time, retired leaders of the world’s powers were expected to putter around and then die.

Naturally, we’d let them play lots of golf, write their memoirs, and maybe even go on speaking tours. But generally, they should behave themselves and fade slowly into history, thank you very much.

Only one problem: Our ex-leaders are younger and younger lately.

Take Bill Clinton. After two terms as president, he was still only 54 years old. It’s a good thing he’s so busy campaigning for Hillary, or he’d have way too much time on his hands to teach waitresses at Denny’s and Chili’s nationwide his fun game, “Hide the Commander-in-Chief.”

And then there’s Tony Blair. Last week in London, Tony! Toni! Toné! (as I refer to him) looked like a fool when he had no money for his train fare, according to this article on Yahoo! News.

How embarrassing. More than ten years as prime minister and almost a year of pulling in bloody huge poundage for giving all kinds of speeches and Blair still can’t scrape together enough cash for a simple train ticket. He said the money that his aide had given him for the fare somehow went missing from his pocket—not a jolly good excuse, old chap.

This kind of behavior has me wondering what other recent world leaders will be doing in their retirement:

Vladimir Putin. Vlad the Impaler hands the Russian presidency off next week to Dmitry Medvedev. He's been in power a long time, but he's still got plenty of energy to devote to something worthy of his experience and downright scary stare.

What’s an ex-KGB, out-of-office autocrat to do?

I picture him going into ballroom dancing. Or perhaps writing a children’s book, something like How To Kill Friends and Influence People (With Extreme Prejudice).

Paul Martin. Last February, Stephen Harper succeeded Martin as Canadian Prime Minister. I'm sure it was a dramatic time for most Canadians, some of whom may have even known the name of their prime minister, but nobody else in the rest of the world seems to have noticed.

Since then he has been doing what pretty much all Canadians NOT named William Shatner, Dan Aykroyd, or Mike Myers do.

Wishing he were American.

Jacques Chirac. Nicolas Sarkozy became France’s president less than a year ago, replacing Jacques Chirac. Sarkozy has received much attention for marrying model and singer Carla Bruni, keeping eyes off of Chirac.

Word has it Chirac’s taking life a bit slower now, kicking back and enjoying his later years. He really doesn't need to even raise his hands to do a thing.

Unless, of course, in traditional French fashion he raises both hands in the air to surrender to the first German tourist that swings by his retirement villa.

George W. Bush. He’ll leave office in January with plenty of time on his hands. No more sessions with world leaders, attending Cabinet meetings, or visiting domestic policy events.

Although I doubt he’ll end up as Chief Justice of the Supreme Court—like ex-president William Howard Taft did in the 1920s—I’d sure love to see him retain some national office. With his mastery of the Americanish language, he’s well suited to be our nation’s Poet Laureate … but his penchant for shaking his thing in front of cameras suggest the best gig he’ll land is as a contestant on Dancing with the Stars.

It’s too bad Putin will win that season.


At April 28, 2008 1:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous replied to my musings ...


Wanted to email you, but could not locate your email address on the blog. We have 2 cool widgets ( a slideshow widget and a content widget) which can help enhance site interaction and reader's experience. Please contact me at to know more.

Ashish Baldua

At April 28, 2008 1:53 PM, Anonymous LisaBinDaCity replied to my musings ...

They remind me of movie stars that suddenly become "cold." After years of having everything done for them, i.e. never having to make their own phone calls to having someone pick out their least favorite colored m&m's out of the bowl, they become completely helpless.

Shame, really ;-)

At April 28, 2008 7:54 PM, Blogger Jeff replied to my musings ...

Vlad the Impaler, I love it!!!

At April 28, 2008 8:10 PM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

Ashish: Thanks for confirming that my decision to not put my e-mail on the site was a good one.

Lisa: I don't like the brown M&Ms. But nobody has ever picked them out for me.

Jeff: A hard one to resist.

At April 29, 2008 1:33 AM, Blogger Mike replied to my musings ...

Don't forget former Chancellor Kohl of Germany. Probably at the helm of a riverboat on the Danube or something. I'm curious what Hugo Chavez will do when he steps down, like that'll happen!!!

At April 29, 2008 3:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous replied to my musings ...

Preview These Busty Beauties >>>> CLICK HERE

At April 29, 2008 4:24 AM, Blogger tworabbitshow replied to my musings ...

I think Bush should take up a nice relaxing hobby, maybe something he can share with his friends. Like shooting old men in the face.

At April 29, 2008 6:21 AM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

Mike: Chavez will probably try to pull a Castro and hold power for decades. let's see if he grows a full beard.

Anon: I love the busty beauties, sure, but no thanks. (Geez, I wonder what I'd be getting here WITHOUT word verification.)

TRS: Seeing the way former President Carter keeps busy, I'd prefer a relaxing retirement for ex-Commander in Chiefs.

At April 30, 2008 7:43 AM, Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen replied to my musings ...

Never really thought about it actually.

I know what I'd do if I were in their places. Get me a hottie down on the beach in Mexico or Costa Rica and never be seen or heard from again. Just as long as those reitrement/pension checks keep coming, I'd be right fine! :)

At May 01, 2008 9:47 AM, Blogger cube replied to my musings ...

Ashish sure gets around ;-)

Of all the leaders you mentioned, the only one who won'thave time on his hands is Putty-Poot-Poot. He'll still be running the show in Russia. Medvedev is just a sock puppet.

At May 01, 2008 1:23 PM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

PQ: Or maybe you'd get a hot call girl and spend lavish weekends with her at a swanky D.C. hotel. Oh wait ... Spitzer did that but he was STILL IN OFFICE!

Cube: Actually, Bush is also a sock puppet for a former leader. It's not well know that's he's fully under the control, from beyond the grave, of underestimated former Commander in Chief Rutherford B. hayes.

At May 01, 2008 3:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous replied to my musings ...

How sad. Already I had forgotten Paul Martin was our former-PM. Thanks for the remind.

At May 02, 2008 6:59 PM, Blogger Jim replied to my musings ...

Bush wants to be Baseball Commissioner, he has never made any secret of that. He is just padding his resume by being President! I'm not kidding, that had always been his dream job. (His father was my U.S. Senator when I lived in Texas.)

Why doesn't Canada just have a governor like the other states?

kuurhwc<-a Kurdish watercloset

At May 03, 2008 8:09 AM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

Jenn: And thank you for being gracious about my obligitory swipe at Canadians.

Jim: Great word verification; it almost looks Klingon. Hmmmm ... I thought the governor of North Dakota had jurisdiction over Canada.

At May 03, 2008 12:34 PM, Blogger Zen Wizard replied to my musings ...

I have always thought it would have been funny if Vlad the Impaler and his wife were waiting in the bar for their table in a restaurant and the maitre d' came in and said, "Impaler party of two? Impaler party of two?"

If your name is "the" Something, you should probably change it: E.g., William the Bastard, Ivan the Terrible, etc.

Exception: Robert the Bruce.

Why the f*** didn't he just drop the, "the"? And just be, "Robert Bruce"? Or if he needed a nice guy/insurance agent name, "Bob Bruce"??

Maybe he foresaw phonebooks and wanted to make it obvious when telemarketers & bill collectors called him:

"Is Mr. The in?


"Um...this is Acme Collections...I'd like to speak to Robert The about his GMAC car loan..."

"Sorry lady he moved out and invaded England..."

At May 03, 2008 1:34 PM, Blogger Lee Ann replied to my musings ...

I love the little "mini bios".
After office, they will most likely all join together creating a new fraternity.

Have a great weekend!

At May 03, 2008 5:40 PM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

ZW: You have to admit that "the Lionhearted" is a kick-ass moniker, too.

Lee Ann: I'm having one right now, thanks. I never thought of them as a frat, but there are worse alternatives..

At May 04, 2008 6:58 PM, Blogger :P fuzzbox replied to my musings ...

Have you ever got a glimpse of the New Zealand Prime Minister Helen Clark? She could be in a drag show in San Francisco when she leaves office.


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