Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Think About the Children

Hi. David Amulet’s evil twin here. I’m not the writer he is, but I’m filling in for him while he remains AWOL.

And I’m pissed off.

No, not because he’s gone. That part’s great—I get to eat his food, drink his wine, sleep with his wife, cash his checks … it’s good work if you can find it.

I’m furious, instead, because of a story I just saw. Some jackass in Israel doesn’t think the world has enough whiny, puke-faced, shit-in-their-pants, burden-on-the-world kids running around.

I can understand people wanting one child, even though the little vermin annoy me. Two is pushing it … but I’m willing to look the other way. Three? Well, that’s just damn irresponsible.

But this Bedouin Arab in Israel has 67 kids. Yes, sixty-freakin-seven. And he wants more.

He told an Israeli newspaper he knows“… many women who wish to marry me and there is no lack of women. I never had a problem with such things.”

OK, maybe true. Same thing for me (and even Amulet). But that doesn’t mean you need to impregnate everyone.

Even worse, this guy doesn’t really have a job, except for herding camel and goats. Israeli taxpayers chip in, though—government assistance helps pay for the consequences of his inability to keep his sperm to himself.

The article points out that this ass-clown isn’t the only one. Some seed-sprayer in Dubai has at least 78 children and wants to have 100.

This is disgusting. Bringing even ten percent of that number of kids into the world is stupid. It’s bad for the children, it’s bad for the resource base that has to support them, and it’s bad for each uterus that these sick bastards use to inflict their pain upon the earth.

There’s only one person dashing enough, smart enough, and downright studly enough to improve the human race single-penisedly. And that’s me. These pretenders had better stop knocking women up.

Or you’ll see me get really pissed.


At October 17, 2007 7:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous replied to my musings ...

Evil Twin...I adore you. Rant on, baby. Rant. On.

And yes, none are more studlier than you. But the phrase single-penisedly? You sure you're not a writer?

At October 17, 2007 8:02 PM, Blogger Nessa replied to my musings ...

I like single-penisedly, too. Wave that thang, baby.

He should have to pay one and a half camels for each kid he has. I bet he'd be shielding his best friend then.

At October 17, 2007 8:54 PM, Anonymous Fred Charles replied to my musings ...

I wish that I had an evil twin who could produce blog posts for me, since I can't seem to squeeze out more than two a month these days.

At October 18, 2007 8:56 AM, Anonymous whatigotsofar replied to my musings ...

Maybe he herds children as well. He's got one pen for the goats, a bigger pen for the camels and a third pen for the kids.
Oh wait, are the Bedouins still nomadic? Do they fence their herds into pens? Or do they let them roam free ranger?

At October 18, 2007 10:00 AM, Blogger Perplexio replied to my musings ...

Back in the 60s and 70s there was an organization called ZPG- Zero Population Growth. It was comprised of people who had agreed to have only 2 children per couple (1 each to replace the mother and father).

Methinks we need to see a resurgence of this organization's popularity. My wife & I have already agreed we want no more than 2, and heck I'd be happy having only one.

At October 18, 2007 11:36 AM, Blogger bob_vinyl replied to my musings ...

I've got two and I'm hoping to have three more so I can have this.

At October 18, 2007 11:54 AM, Blogger Tai replied to my musings ...

I canna believe it.
What the hell does anyone need so many of those things running around for? Cheap labour? Food supply in case the camels die off?
Geez, give it a rest!!

At October 18, 2007 5:55 PM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

Jenn, Nessa: Single-handedly just didn't ring true. Hard to impregnate someone with your hand.

FC: We're on about the same pace. I hope your slower output is due to good things in other areas.

WIGSF: Free Range Kids. Sounds like a good band name.

Perplexio: Amen.

Bob: That is about the best use for children I have seen. Not a bad cover of one ofMaiden's best!

Tai: Cheap labor, yes, but these men must spend a lot on food and clothes before they get it.

-- david

At October 18, 2007 11:20 PM, Blogger Phats replied to my musings ...

jesus christ that's a lot of kids. Buy that man some condoms

At October 19, 2007 8:14 AM, Blogger DaBich replied to my musings ...

A wise man once said...
"It's better to be pissed off than pissed on."

Have a great weekend, Evil Twin =D

At October 19, 2007 10:24 AM, Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen replied to my musings ...

Evil're GOOD. :)

Personally, I think that guy needs to tie a knot in his pecker. Sheesh.

At October 20, 2007 2:49 PM, Blogger :P fuzzbox replied to my musings ...

100 kids is one hell of a goal. I hope his testicles explode before he gets there. That would be newsworthy.

At October 21, 2007 10:21 AM, Anonymous LisaBinDaCity replied to my musings ...

Ooh, I like your evil twin. He's just so BAD ;-)

At October 21, 2007 6:51 PM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

Phats: That would be a good start, wouldn't it?!

DaBich: That is truly a wise man who said that. Was it "The Commish" from the new Miller Lite ads?

PQ: Ever tried that with the PK's schlong? Not as easy to do as it seems!

Fuzz: Newsworthy, indeed. But not something any man really wants to see happen.

Lisa: Are you mocking me? I hope not--for your sake. I'm not so nice when I lose my temper ...

-- david

At October 21, 2007 11:11 PM, Blogger Death Warmed Over replied to my musings ...

I think you just have "seed envy"!

At October 22, 2007 8:46 PM, Blogger Lee Ann replied to my musings ...

Hey twin....I am sure you are not that evil! Nice to meet you.
Have a great week!
Lee Ann

At October 24, 2007 6:44 AM, Blogger An80sNut replied to my musings ...

I was all for the practice, impregnation and multiple females until I heard about the government assistance. Then again, living off the fruits of another's labor is an aspiration of many.

At October 24, 2007 8:57 AM, Anonymous LisaBinDaCity replied to my musings ...

I would NEVER mock you! You or your evil twin.

At October 25, 2007 5:25 PM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

DWO: I have envy of little. Having many children doesn't even come close to making the list.

Lee Ann: Think again.

Martin: Living off the fruits of another's "labor." Wow, that's brilliant!

Lisa: Damn. I was hoping for a mutual mock-fest.

-- david

At October 25, 2007 5:39 PM, Anonymous LisaBinDaCity replied to my musings ...


At October 26, 2007 4:01 AM, Blogger Jenn replied to my musings ...

Sooo you're saying you don't want to have my love child?


At October 31, 2007 7:08 AM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

Lisa: There you go again, with your virtual smirking ...

Jenn: You're back! It's been awhile--good to see you. As for our love child, well, never say never.

-- david

At November 09, 2007 10:46 AM, Blogger Janet replied to my musings ...

I think some people have a lot of kids because of the whole "spreading the seed thing". But where I work, everyone seems to have no problem with fertility. It's supporting them AFTER they're born that the community doesn't think about.


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