Name That Road
Someday I hope to have a planet named after me.
It looks doubtful. I’m not a Roman god, you see, and the near monopoly of Jupiter and his buddies in this arena speaks for itself. So I’ll set my sights lower.
Maybe a continent. Perhaps a country, a city, or a village. Hell, I’ll take a random street. For that, I don’t need to be a deity, a president, or a slain civil rights hero. Serving as a senator, funding an orphanage, or buying off a mayor is not required.
I just need to be an entertainer.
This insight came to me while reading about the Berlin’s bold move to name a street after Frank Zappa. Why Frank Zappa? I have no idea. But in German, of course, it looks fantastic, coming out as “Frank-Zappa-Strasse.”
I’m looking for my opportunity. In the meantime, I’m sure we’ll see these cities name roads in honor of specific symbolically appropriate entertainers:
Amsterdam: Lindsay Lohan.
Dubai: Richard Branson. J.K. Rowling. Any wealth-monger will do.
Bangkok: Any porn star.
Timbuktu: Kevin Federline; the divorce went through this week.
Baghdad: Dr. Dre. Ice-T. All gangster rappers, in fact.
And if there’s ever a city named “Smartassville,” I’m first in line.