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Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Name That Road

Someday I hope to have a planet named after me.

It looks doubtful. I’m not a Roman god, you see, and the near monopoly of Jupiter and his buddies in this arena speaks for itself. So I’ll set my sights lower.

Maybe a continent. Perhaps a country, a city, or a village. Hell, I’ll take a random street. For that, I don’t need to be a deity, a president, or a slain civil rights hero. Serving as a senator, funding an orphanage, or buying off a mayor is not required.

I just need to be an entertainer.

This insight came to me while reading about the Berlin’s bold move to name a street after Frank Zappa. Why Frank Zappa? I have no idea. But in German, of course, it looks fantastic, coming out as “Frank-Zappa-Strasse.”

I’m looking for my opportunity. In the meantime, I’m sure we’ll see these cities name roads in honor of specific symbolically appropriate entertainers:

Amsterdam: Lindsay Lohan.

Dubai: Richard Branson. J.K. Rowling. Any wealth-monger will do.

Bangkok: Any porn star.

Timbuktu: Kevin Federline; the divorce went through this week.

Baghdad: Dr. Dre. Ice-T. All gangster rappers, in fact.

And if there’s ever a city named “Smartassville,” I’m first in line.

31 Comments:

At July 31, 2007 11:23 AM, Blogger angel, jr. replied to my musings ...

Good luck with the street naming!!
And I'll think of you when I get lost on it.

 
At July 31, 2007 1:36 PM, Blogger tworabbitshow replied to my musings ...

There is already a town named after me and my accomplishments. Hell, Michigan. It's not really all that accurate though because it freezes over every winter.

 
At July 31, 2007 1:48 PM, Anonymous whatigotsofar replied to my musings ...

Once I conquer the world, many a place shall be renamed. Without going into too many details, I don't think the people of France would be too happy.

 
At July 31, 2007 7:25 PM, Blogger Godwhacker replied to my musings ...

I'm sure there is an Amulet Ave. somewhere on this Earth. :)

 
At August 01, 2007 7:05 AM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

Angel Jr.: If life imitates art, my street will be a meandering path.

TRS: I've been to Hell. And back. I'm not much changed from the experience.

WIGSF:Please rename Burkina Faso, too. That's way hard to remember, especially the capital: Ougadougou.

GW: You know, I've never looked ... if there is, I hope it's not in a bad neighborhood.

-- david

 
At August 01, 2007 8:05 AM, Blogger ChickyBabe replied to my musings ...

I like it! Can I take up ChickyBabe Lane in your Smartassville?

 
At August 01, 2007 8:58 AM, Blogger goldennib replied to my musings ...

You're not a god? That's not the impression I got from your last comment at my site; D

 
At August 01, 2007 11:08 AM, Blogger Godwhacker replied to my musings ...

I recently passed "Colbert" St. I'll post the sign on my blog.

 
At August 01, 2007 1:04 PM, Anonymous LisaBinDaCity replied to my musings ...

Planet Amulet.

Amelet's Universe.

All About Amulet.

I like it!

 
At August 01, 2007 2:13 PM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

CB: I'd love to see ChickyBabe's Lane in my city!

GN: While not denying my possible divine origins, I'm embarrassed to say I can't recall my last comment at your place. I'll have to check it out.

GW: Awesome! I'm assuming it wasn't in Paris.

LisaB: I love it when you talk dirty to me.

-- david

 
At August 01, 2007 2:38 PM, Blogger Phats replied to my musings ...

haha those are funny david good ones.

Just become a sports star, we have roads here in Lafayette on Purdue's campus named after Drew Brees, Stephanie White(led us to the 99 national title)

QB David possibly?

 
At August 01, 2007 3:42 PM, Blogger Perplexio replied to my musings ...

I once had an intriguing discussion with an elderly gentleman along these lines when I worked at Cedar Point. But our discussion was about city names.

He mentioned that "Lansing, Michigan" was quite an "operation" which got me to thinking what an appropriate city for doctors to live in.

He also mentioned one of the greatest moves in history was "Wheeling West Virginia." Which got me to thinking that would be an excellent location to headquarter long-haul moving companies (Mayflower, Allied, U-Haul, etc. etc.)

But the creme de la creme was "Flushing New York."

To take it a step further... which celebrities would best fit in those cities based on the city names?

Lansing, MI: Perhaps where Hugh Laurie could keep "house"?
Wheeling, WV: Maybe Jeff Gordon or any other NASCAR driver?
Flushing, NY: Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears? (because that's exactly what their extra-cirricular exploits are doing to their careers)

 
At August 01, 2007 5:57 PM, Blogger :P fuzzbox replied to my musings ...

Here in Texas, a lot of streets are named after coaches. Try coaching a pee-wee football team. Maybe you could get an alley at least.

 
At August 01, 2007 6:15 PM, Anonymous Bruce replied to my musings ...

Syracuse has a street name that's the same as my last name. A lot of my ancestors on my father's side emigrated from Canada and settled in Upstate NY, so it's entirely possible it could've been named after a member of my clan.

 
At August 01, 2007 8:04 PM, Blogger Ray Van Horn, Jr. replied to my musings ...

very clever, particular Bangkok! Except for Joey Ramone Street near CBs, I almost laugh at celebrity street names, minus the obligatory MLK Boulevard in every city that marks where the poverty line begins

 
At August 01, 2007 8:07 PM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

Phats: Is there a Keady Avenue yet? There damn well should be.

Perplexio: As always, you put more thought into your comment than I did into the post, putting me to shame. I considered assigning Lindsay, Britney, and Paris to Las Vegas ... but Flushing does seem more appropriate.

Fuzz: It's great to see you back. It's not been the same without you. Today, this blog will be called Fuzz Alley in your honor.

Bruce: That's a nice thing to chase down, if you're ever interesting in knowing for sure. I think it's great.

-- david

 
At August 01, 2007 9:13 PM, Blogger Perplexio replied to my musings ...

I really was surprised that Paris' father didn't run a promotion when his daughter was released... Giving everyone booked at the Paris Hilton on the day of her release a free night. Thus giving a whole new meaning to "Free Paris Hilton."

 
At August 01, 2007 10:35 PM, Blogger Pixie replied to my musings ...

Love the Bangkok one, I am sure somewhere on earth there must be an Amulet something.

 
At August 02, 2007 9:31 AM, Blogger missy replied to my musings ...

Pixie is right! Here is Amulet, SK Canada!

 
At August 02, 2007 11:02 AM, Blogger Janet replied to my musings ...

I'd settle for a song to be named after me. I don't need to aim that high.:)

 
At August 02, 2007 4:12 PM, Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen replied to my musings ...

I have my own kingdom...I can arrange the road thing...or did you want a town or village of your very own??? I can arrange that too...I AM the queen, after all...;)

 
At August 02, 2007 5:05 PM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

Ray: I know what you mean, most such streets make me laugh. Especially Carrot Top Lane.

Perplexio: That is awesome--you should have sent him the idea to see if he'd bite.

Pixie, Missy: WHOA! That is sweet ... I wonder if my ancestors settled the region. Time for a road trip!

Janet: You know, just about every even close-to-common female name has a song--except for Janet, which I can't think of one for.

PQ: I'll take a fair maiden with large ... tracts of land. Thanks.

-- david

 
At August 03, 2007 9:40 AM, Blogger DaBich replied to my musings ...

How about Pittsville for Vick?
Sorry, had to.
I detest that guy.

 
At August 03, 2007 10:11 AM, Blogger Mike replied to my musings ...

You could always shoot to have one of Saturn's moons named after you.

 
At August 03, 2007 10:42 AM, Blogger The Phoenix replied to my musings ...

There's a street here actually named "Easy Street." Sounds pleasant.

 
At August 03, 2007 10:43 PM, Blogger Barbara (aka Layla) replied to my musings ...

If anyone deserves a street named after them its you. Amulet Ave has a nice ring. Or David Drive. Or Sarcasm Street, Witty Way, BS Blvd or Laughter Lane.

 
At August 04, 2007 7:50 PM, Blogger An80sNut replied to my musings ...

You'll always be a star to us, David.

 
At August 05, 2007 4:58 PM, Blogger Phats replied to my musings ...

the court in Mackey Arena is named after him

Keady Court

 
At August 05, 2007 7:31 PM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

DaBich: Join the club. He's dropped about 90% of his fans, I'm sure.

Mike: That would rock. Maybe one already is--I've always seen myself as a Titan.

Phoenix: I've heard of Easy Street, but I've yet to find it. When you find directions, let me know.

Barbara: I like most of those. BS Blvd might stink.

Martin: You are a kind man. And from your avatar, it looks like YOU are the star!

Phats: Ahhh ... that makes sense. Thanks for the info!

-- david

 
At August 07, 2007 3:03 PM, Blogger Phats replied to my musings ...

no problem you interested in having your hair done like his?

 
At August 07, 2007 4:21 PM, Blogger Maggie replied to my musings ...

I'd want a street named after me in Kississime, FL.

We have a Mary Jane Blvd. here in town if that helps soften the blow any.

 

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