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Saturday, June 23, 2007

Disappearing Acts

We all wish some things would just go away. If we all concentrate, can’t we just get rid of them?

I’m thinking of things like cancer. Child abuse. Starvation. Cruelty to animals. Let’s throw in bigotry. Censorship. Holier-than-thou intolerance. Pontificating bloggers.

(Hmmm. Maybe not so fast on that last one.)

Thankfully, one of you out there must have focused really hard of K-Fed, because I haven’t heard about him in months.

But someone’s cheating.

According to this Associated Press story via CNN.com, a 100-feet-deep, five-acre lake in Chile has vanished.

Again: a body of water, not insignificant in size, has completely disappeared for no reason that experts are yet been able to identify. This is not a false alarm—this is not a test.

Look at the facts. In March, the medium-sized lake was there, according to park rangers. Floating casually on the surface were large pieces of ice … which, by late May, were sitting on the floor of a crater where the water had been. The water? Gone.

No significant geological activity, such as earthquakes, has occurred in the region recently, ruling out the idea that underground fissures allowed the water to escape because scientists cannot find another cause for cracks that could have drained the lake.

So the mystery remains. Whoever visited the lake early this spring and wished it away has an amazing power—one that could be better employed to make these more worthy targets disappear:

Muffin tops. I just heard the phrase to describe this travesty of fashion and human decency, whereby women with flabby midsection overhangs wear tight pants and midriff-bearing shirts. I didn’t need the term, however, to know that it’s better than a cold shower for crushing most men’s sex drives. Hey, clueless women—just go away!

Mike Nifong. Now that he’s lost his job and been disbarred for his scandalous actions during the Duke lacrosse case, this former Durham County District Attorney is going to be tied up in criminal and civil lawsuits until roughly 2019. Great, not only will we keep hearing about this man and his disgusting actions, but the families of these falsely accused students will remain unable to move past the case for far too long. Nifong should call up Kim Jong Il and volunteer his services because his style of “justice” only belongs in a despotic dystopia like North Korea. Hey, ex-lawyer—just go away!

The Democratic and Republican candidate “debates.” I’ve only watched segments, and even those brief glimpses stupefied me. There are no major differences between the Democrats—who all want to keep our bloated federal government rich and fat and who all treat the invasion of Iraq like a war crime, despite the fact that traditional liberals should have applauded the removal of Saddam Hussein (who killed more Muslims than any other person in the 20th century). And the other side is almost as unified in idiocy. When three of the Republican candidates volunteer that they don’t “believe” in evolution, it’s time to write the party off and start over. Hey, two-party system—just go away!

Paris Hilton. I have this feeling that her release form prison will become a media circus, and she will regain her status as the world’s most annoying “celebrity.” But I really, really don’t want to hear anything about this non-talent again. Hey, Publicity Whore 2007—just go away!

22 Comments:

At June 23, 2007 7:06 PM, Blogger Beth replied to my musings ...

I have found the debates to be boring. Why are they starting so early -- so they can start the mudslinging and nasty ads even earlier?

But I'm gonna sit up all night thinking about that vanished lake.

 
At June 23, 2007 11:29 PM, Blogger Phats replied to my musings ...

Unfortunately I have to agree with you on Miss Hilton, too bad they couldn't lock her up and throw away the key, what a waste!

When I saw muffin tops totally thought of the seinfeld episode! hahaha

 
At June 23, 2007 11:31 PM, Blogger Mike replied to my musings ...

Wow, first I stump you with a song you haven't heard of, then this lake disappears. My powers are growing...and sorry about the lake.

 
At June 24, 2007 11:55 AM, Blogger Godwhacker replied to my musings ...

Good points. I was glad when we closed down Saddam's torture chambers, but was dismayed when I saw the "Under New Management" sign.

When we want info from people, just force them to watch 24/7 Paris Hilton coverage, a punishment that is cruel, but unfortunately not unusual.

 
At June 24, 2007 3:30 PM, Blogger Layla (aka Barbara) replied to my musings ...

what does it mean if the lake reappears?

Maybe if it does we can send Paris there with a rowboat and see if it goes away with her in it.

that was mean. sorry.

 
At June 24, 2007 6:13 PM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

Beth: Boring is bad, but it's better than inane pandering.

Phats: I am unable to relate almost anything to Seinfeld episodes due to my blissful ignorance of anything but the most basic aspects of the show. I'm happy to have you play the role of Seinfeld Comparison Guru.

Mike: I suspected you, but I didn't have any proof. I appreciate the confession.

GW: That Hilton punishment does sound awful ... can I have solitary confinement instead?

Layla: Mean is OK, you've had a rough month. If the lake appears again, let's talk to Mike!

-- david

 
At June 24, 2007 7:54 PM, Blogger dragonflyfilly replied to my musings ...

Pontificating Blogger - don't know if i know him (is it a him? - i hope people don't think i am a Pontificater! - i don't myself, but you never know.

I agree - i am so sick of hearing about Paris Hilton!

Do me a favour please, i have just signed up for ANOTHER (gimic?) Guestbook; do you mind going over and checking to see if it is working - someone? anyone? - oh now i feel so pathetic, ASKING people to leave comments AGAIN! (am i the only one who spends waaaayyyy too much time at my Blog?)

 
At June 24, 2007 9:11 PM, Blogger BeckEye replied to my musings ...

Maybe a bunch of Muffin Top girls went swimming in the lake and soaked all the water up. It's as good an explanation as any.

Oh, and K-Fed's disappearance? Yeah, that was my doing. You're welcome.

 
At June 25, 2007 12:22 AM, Blogger Linda replied to my musings ...

The two party political system is such a JOKE!!! I am no long affilated with either of the two major parties. The sad thing about that is that the people I vote for never get elected. I will keep on voting, though!!!

I absolutely HATE Paris Hilton. She just gets on my nerves. How crappy is our society that people are so concerned about what is happening to her.

 
At June 25, 2007 6:07 AM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

DFL: I went to your Guestbook blog (holy crap--you have way too many blogs!) and it looks like it's working just fine. I don't add myself to stufff like that, but it seems A-OK.

BeckEye: A good theory. That would also explain why that area of Chile lacks men. And all of Amercia--nay, the world!--thanks you for your K-Fed intervention.

Linda: Sometimes I really like the two-party system, but I always feel horrible all day Sunday.

-- david

 
At June 25, 2007 9:25 AM, Blogger goldennib replied to my musings ...

The lake disappeared the day Paris found God while sitting in jail. The lake just couldn't take it either.

 
At June 25, 2007 5:11 PM, Blogger mojotek replied to my musings ...

We can only hope that park rangers will someday find chunks of ice on the floor that were, just the day before, floating on Paris Hilton. With nary a remnant of her remaining.

 
At June 26, 2007 10:19 AM, Blogger bob_vinyl replied to my musings ...

I'm with you on the two-party system. They serve themselves, not us. George Bernard Shaw said, "Democracy guarantees that we're governed no better than we deserve." Until we get past the two-party stranglehold, that will remain a painful truth.

 
At June 26, 2007 3:15 PM, Blogger Mike replied to my musings ...

Why do we need only two parties? Everything is not left or right.

I saw the lake thing the other day too. Maybe the aliens took it.

 
At June 27, 2007 7:08 AM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

GN: Coincidences are scary. Wasn't that also the day the White Stripes album came out? Is Jack White to blame?

Mojotek: Nice to see you back. When I first read your comment, I thought you said the park rangers were floating on Paris Hilton. Now that's a funny image.

Bob: Agreed. I'm going to do some more reading on the new Libertarian Party platform to see if they have maintained their small government, freedom-based ideals.

Mike: Right on. And let's blame the aliens, it's easier than looking for a scientific cause.

-- david

 
At June 27, 2007 12:59 PM, Blogger Great Quads replied to my musings ...

I once read a calvin and hobbes comic where aliens came in a yellow UFO and sucked up our oceans and air, maybe this lake is just the beginning.


and I hate paris hilton, with a passion, I hope to never hear about her again.

 
At June 27, 2007 9:10 PM, Blogger dragonflyfilly replied to my musings ...

hmmm, i disagree, i don't think i have TOO many blogs, i just get bored with the same old format and like to try to experiment with new stuff with my limited knowledge of this medium...and i deleted the Guestbook; it seemed to be slowing down my computer, even tho' i just got a new hard drive with more MGs (?)...

do you want me to add you to my links at the Blethering Place?

 
At June 27, 2007 9:39 PM, Blogger cube replied to my musings ...

You sound blue. Really blue.

 
At June 28, 2007 9:30 AM, Blogger Perplexio replied to my musings ...

Re: the Democratic and Republican debates-- AMEN! You hit the nail on the head.

My wife who leans to the left was telling me last week that Bush's approval rating had dipped lower than Nixon's was just prior to his resignation making him the most unpopular president in history...

This week, I, who lean to the right, was reading in the news online that the congressional approval rating is at an all-time low.

The American public by and large isn't fed up with JUST George W. Bush... we're fed up with the whole lot of them whether they're elephants or asses, it's a mutual contempt.

 
At June 28, 2007 4:50 PM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

GQ: Thanks for stopping by. As usual, it seems Calvin and Hobbes was ahead of its time.

DFL: I meant too say that you have too many blogs for ME to keep up with! The links would be nice, thanks. Sorry to hear the Guestbook didn't work out.

Cube: Not so blue. More of a periwinkle.

Perplexio: I suspect you are right--the presidential poll numbers aren't only a statement against this president; the combine with other opinion measures as an indictment of the system.

-- david

 
At June 28, 2007 10:24 PM, Blogger Phats replied to my musings ...

I wouldn't be too disappointed if Kelvin Sampson disappeared, and took Earl Shalloway with him

 
At June 29, 2007 3:30 PM, Blogger dragonflyfilly replied to my musings ...

yep, i did actually know what you meant, and i did not mean to sound defensive (just having an extremely bad day)...but i'm searching all over the place for an answer to my question about "Leila"; i'm thinking that it might be The Pretenders...but i don't remember where i asked the question?

i understand that one does not have the time to Blog all over the place - i don't know how some people keep up with all the comments people leave at their blogs - like 21 to 32 etc.

later,
pj

 

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