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Friday, April 27, 2007

Erasing the Past

Frequent readers here know that David Amulet is no fan of political correctness—or people who insist on changing the past.

Altering something that has already occurred simply to suit some new purpose annoys me. Last fall, for example, do-gooders’ attempt to edit Tom and Jerry cartoons to eliminate scenes of cigarette smoking got me hot under the collar.

Now revisionism is coming from corporate squabbling, of all things.

It seems British Airways can’t stand the fact that Sir Richard Branson—wealthy head of rival Virgin Atlantic—has a scene in last year’s James Bond smash Casino Royale. So the BA in-flight version of the film has his face airbrushed out.

This is foolish. It’s petty. It’s childish.

It’s messing with Bond. Is nothing sacred?

A barrier has been crossed, with disastrous consequences. Just think of what this will lead to:

Eddie Van Halen will remove Michael Anthony’s bass lines and vocals from Van Halen’s classic albums. Because he has replaced Anthony in the band with his son Wolfgang, Eddie simply will edit Wolfgang’s work into the albums.

The vocals, however, might be a bit strained—seeing as Wolfgang wasn’t even a fetus when these albums were made.

Nick Lachey will edit Jessica Simpson out of episodes of their vapid reality show, Newlyweds. Without her image onscreen, viewers will see Nick talking into thin air—or to a wall.

Which will only improve the conversation.

American Idol producers will remove judges Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson from the show. They will find replacements that, in one fell swoop, will change Simon Cowell from the premier jackass of the show into the nice guy of the triumvirate. And who will these new judges be?

I suggest Alec Baldwin and Rosie O’Donnell.

23 Comments:

At April 27, 2007 1:52 PM, Blogger cube replied to my musings ...

Revisionist meddling is bad. It reminds me of the actions of the Ministry of Truth in Orwell's 1984.

Scary stuff... especially Alec & Rosie. Nooooooo!

 
At April 27, 2007 5:45 PM, Blogger Shannon A. Long replied to my musings ...

At least the editing of Newlyweds would make the show a little bit more intelligent…

 
At April 27, 2007 5:51 PM, Blogger Layla (aka Barbara) replied to my musings ...

OH YEAH! Alec and Rosie...perfect. You really are brilliant.

 
At April 27, 2007 7:46 PM, Anonymous Bruce replied to my musings ...

Ya know, I wouldn't put it past Eddie to do something like that. And nothing short of a frontal lobotomy could change Simon...

 
At April 28, 2007 1:36 PM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

Cube: Nine Inch Nails' new album is a long the same lines. (The 1984 one, not the Alec/Rosie one.)

Shannon: I agree. ANYTHING would make the show more intelligent!

Layla: You are too kind. With pop culture events like those of the past week, material is easy.

Bruce: Eddie seems to be getting petty with age. I'm waiting for him to boot out his brother, too.

-- david

 
At April 29, 2007 12:50 PM, Blogger :P fuzzbox replied to my musings ...

Come on now, Rosie is a good person. She just gets cranky when she's hungry. And she's always hungry.

 
At April 29, 2007 1:07 PM, Blogger Jeff replied to my musings ...

I would like to see Paula Abdul erased from TV all together.

 
At April 29, 2007 11:20 PM, Blogger Layla (aka Barbara) replied to my musings ...

David, you're right. I take it back you're not brilliant after all, just observant. ;)

 
At April 30, 2007 7:53 PM, Blogger Metal Mark replied to my musings ...

Good post. People should leave things as they are in these cases. Whether it's good, bad or indifferent. In the words of Lemmy "just 'cause you have the power, don't mean you got the right".

 
At May 01, 2007 8:13 AM, Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen replied to my musings ...

Oh brother! Some people need to GET OVER THEMSELVES!

The past is THE PAST. Let. It. Go.

;)

 
At May 01, 2007 9:42 AM, Blogger Perplexio replied to my musings ...

Now if Alec Baldwin and Rosie O'Donnell were judges on American Idol... it might just be worth watching.

But until then, as Randy Jackson would say, "Yo Dog, I'm not down with that."

 
At May 01, 2007 9:49 AM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

Fuzz; Hunger is the root of all evil. At least the blabbering talk show host version of evil.

Jeff: I'll agree to that. While we're at it, let's add Geraldo Rivera to the list.

Layla: I will graciously accept "observant."

Mark: Well said. It reminds me of when they re-released Ozzy's solo albums a few years back ... AFTER re-recording the drum and bass parts.

PQ: I'm glad you feel that way. Does that mean you've forgiven me for that awful, awful incident a couple of years ago?

Perplexio: Does Randy Jackson say that? I just got his name from a friend of mine who, for some reason, actually watches the show. Sounds like a good line ... from 1988.

-- david

 
At May 01, 2007 12:44 PM, Blogger Kid Jacque replied to my musings ...

Doesn't surprise me one bit. I worked for a marketing firm for 10 years and British Airways was my client account. We managed their frequent flyer program. Seriously, it was craziness the things they wanted us to do. We did it. They were the client.

Not surprised. Not one bit.

Phewey on them.

 
At May 01, 2007 10:26 PM, Blogger Perplexio replied to my musings ...

My wife watches, and I overhear enough to know that Randy Jackson addresses everyone as "Dog."

So a good performance might get a response like: "Yo Dog, that was tight! You were on!"

or a bad performance:

"I'm sorry, Dog, I just wasn't feeling it."

 
At May 01, 2007 10:29 PM, Blogger Perplexio replied to my musings ...

Oh and speaking of lunacy when it comes to corporate sponsorship... did you hear about Chicago Bear Brian Urlacher being fined because he was wearing a baseball cap during a Super Bowl interview that advertised an "unapproved" sponsor. There was nothing offensive about his hat, it was just endorsing a product that Urlacher happened to be endorsing for an "unapproved" company... I believe it was $15,000 or $25,000.

 
At May 01, 2007 11:35 PM, Blogger Tai replied to my musings ...

If we could ALL work together, we may be able to wipe Michael Jackson out of our collective memories.
I'd really appreciate it.

 
At May 02, 2007 9:09 AM, Anonymous LisaBinDaCity replied to my musings ...

Yikes, don't get me started. PC drives me bonkers. I subscribe to it but only in small doses. Mainly out of sheer politeness...

 
At May 02, 2007 7:22 PM, Blogger goldennib replied to my musings ...

I can understand their thinking...oh, wait, they're not thinking, are they? Idiots.

 
At May 02, 2007 11:37 PM, Blogger The Phoenix replied to my musings ...

You can drop Paula Abdul, as she just says whatever Randy Jackson says. She has no original ideas of her own.

 
At May 03, 2007 3:30 PM, Blogger BV replied to my musings ...

He's in the movie for like 2 seconds and unless you know who he is you don't even know that it's him.

How silly?

 
At May 03, 2007 10:02 PM, Blogger Maggie replied to my musings ...

I really wouldn't be too upset if Yoko Ono was airbrushed out of Society. Put in Huckleberry Hound.

 
At May 04, 2007 4:08 PM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

KJ: Welcome back. As for BA, well ... I've always preferred Virgin Atlantic anyway.

Perplexio: That is amazing! Then again, he can easily afford it.

Tai: A noble effort, indeed!

Lisa B: Something tells me this won't be my last post about PC.

GN: Thinking doesn't really fit. Just lashing out is more like it.

Phoenix: I'll have to trust you on that. But she knows a cold-hearted snake when she sees one.

BV: I know--they have just drawn more attention to him by doing this!

Maggie: I LOVE IT!

-- david

 
At May 13, 2007 7:58 PM, Blogger Ray Van Horn, Jr. replied to my musings ...

HAHAHAHA! Great stuff, David! I remember when ABC got a hold of the Looney Tunes catalog and butchered all of the violence out, especially explosions to the face or extreme hitting, whatever. Doing it to Tom and Jerry is bad form as well. I know exactly which one you're referring to and it present smoking in a filthy light, so what the fuck is their problem? And mess with Bond? Maybe we can airbrush Jaws' teeth out to spare the sensitivity of people with braces, I dunno....

 

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