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Saturday, February 24, 2007

An Offer I Can’t Refuse

I must be a very trustworthy man.

Within the past couple of weeks, I've received notes from three wonderful friends that I didn’t even knew I had. Each of them must know that I'm good with money … because each of them is humbly seeking my financial management assistance.

I am honored by their trust in me. And I am looking forward to lending them a helping hand.

Let me share with you the heartfelt, verbatim comments from one of these correspondents—with my commentary, of course.

Hello, My Name is Mr. Abdul Raham,i am 53years old. Am a citizen of Saudi Arabia, but i am resident in Cayman island.

Hi, I’m David. And, unlike you, I can write.

I have no wife but i happend to have a child of 5Yrs from my late wife who happens to die of Cancer of the Breast. For 2 years now i am seriously sick.

Talk about a downer, Abby. How about easing into the bad news?

Right now I has only about a year for to live, according to my Medical Doctor.

And I fear that’s not quite long enough to learn English.

I want God to be merciful to me and accept my soul and so, I have decided to give arms to charity rganizations and give succor and comfort to the less privileged of the Tsunami Victims.

I’m missing something … why exactly does God smile upon those who give dismembered limbs to charity?

I once asked a close friend of mine to close one my accounts in Saudi Bank and donate the money to charity organization and to the less Privileged in Bulgaria and Sudan-Africa.

It’s good to know I’m not the only one focusing my philanthropic efforts on the less fortunate in Bulgaria.

He cashed the money but kept it only to himselves.

It’s so hard to trust anyone these days—at least that’s what I say to myselves.

The last of my money, which no one knows of is the huge cash of Twenty Two million(22 Million US DOLLARS) deposited in the Vault of a financial institution in Europe for Safekeeping.

Fantastic investment idea. What’s the rate of return on cash sitting in a vault?

I want you to collect this deposit on my behalf …

No problem, buddy. This is a great offer!

… and disburse 30percent of the amount among the Mudslide Earthquake Victims in Asia, Hurricane Katrina, and for the less Privileged, 30percent for you for you time and efforts and 40 (percent) for my only child upbringing as you will be responsible for his education,health and other activities.

You want me to give away most of the cash AND adopt your kid? This offer sucks!

So i need your urgent reply so that I will not go on sourcing for a credible person to handle this project, kindly respond back to me with the information below …

I’m credible, all right—credible enough to send you that personal information you’re asking for. First, though, I’ll need to see a little downpayment on that $22 million.

Just slip it to me the next time we bump into each other, delivering food aid in Bulgaria.

25 Comments:

At February 24, 2007 12:47 PM, Blogger Gyrobo replied to my musings ...

As the bible says, "hate the spam, love the spammer."

 
At February 24, 2007 4:11 PM, Blogger Mike replied to my musings ...

Hmm, Cayman island, I thought there were more then one of them. And I thought Sudan and Africa were roughly the same place. Or is a recently discovered part of undiscovered Africa? Sudan-frickin Africa, makes as much sense as the Government Dept of Redundancy Dept. For crying out loud!!! I need to get away. Maybe I should cast a line phishing...

 
At February 25, 2007 10:30 AM, Blogger Godwhacker replied to my musings ...

Hi David,
you're such a prick. :) I mean that in the best way possible. I'm sure if you just gave out your bank account information to this trustworthy person, they would prove to you their innate goodness. Really.

But why not just post those account numbers on the blog?

The sad thing are, there are people out there who actually fall for this stuff. "The poor orphans". The poor scam artist is more like it.

I have fun with phishing. When asked for sensitive passwords, I usually enter something like "f__k-you-you-lazy-bastards".

 
At February 25, 2007 6:26 PM, Anonymous Bruce replied to my musings ...

Godwhacker is right; there are those gullible souls out there who believe this shit. This reminds me a lot of the "empty soda cans" for dialysis scams of the 90s.. Oh btw, I'm forawrding an email to you that has an amazing offer to get rich quick. All you have to do is give all of your money to the government, and they'll refund it to you in small increments. It's from some company called the IRS; ever heard of it?

 
At February 25, 2007 7:53 PM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

Gyrobo: It's amazing how timely that book is. (Well, except for all that stuff about slavery and stoning being groovy.)

Mike: This guy's ignorance about geography is only matched by his incompetence with the spell-checker.

GW: You're right--that IS the sad part. One of the other ones I received recently is bad enough I might end up posting about it, too. I must admit: like your tactic of dealing with them.

Bruce: I've seen some really crazy things before, but that scam takes the cake.

-- david

 
At February 26, 2007 7:37 AM, Blogger Metal Mark replied to my musings ...

I guess it would be too much effort for these people to go get real jobs instead of thinking up ways to try and rip people off.

 
At February 26, 2007 8:01 AM, Blogger On My Watch replied to my musings ...

brilliant!

 
At February 26, 2007 12:41 PM, Blogger The Phoenix replied to my musings ...

I really can't believe someone would fall for such a stupid and farfetched scheme.

I hear Nigeria is nice this time of year.

 
At February 26, 2007 1:28 PM, Blogger Pixie replied to my musings ...

LOL.

I posted an ad on craigslist the other day selling some jewelry I got an email from a guy asking me to ship it to his daughter who was in school in Nigera...Sure I will get right on that. :|

 
At February 26, 2007 2:36 PM, Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen replied to my musings ...

Hey! How come I never get offers like that!!! I gotta start reading my spam!

;)

 
At February 26, 2007 6:34 PM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

Mark: I guess if just one in a few hundred people actually fall for this, it works. Otherwise, why woudl they keep doing it>

OMW: I agree--Abdul Raham is a brilliant man.

Phoenix: I wonder if people in Nigeria get spam from random Americans.

Pixie: Jump on that before the chance passes you by!

PQ: I can always forward some of mine to you if you really want it ...

-- david

 
At February 26, 2007 8:58 PM, Blogger angel, jr. replied to my musings ...

I get those letters all the time. I didn't know there was that many millionaires who passed away at the same time in one country.

 
At February 27, 2007 6:58 AM, Blogger goldennib replied to my musings ...

This doesn't sound legit, David. I'm not sure what it is, but it sounds a little shady. Don't do it.

 
At February 27, 2007 3:04 PM, Blogger Tai replied to my musings ...

Gee, if you're going to pass that amazing offer up I can take it off your hands. (some people have ALL the luck!)

 
At February 27, 2007 4:50 PM, Blogger :P fuzzbox replied to my musings ...

And God bless all those friends out there who are so concerned about me finding fuck buddies in my area. What a friendly world the internet is becoming.

 
At February 27, 2007 7:33 PM, Blogger Grafs replied to my musings ...

I can't believe people actually fall for this crap. I love the scam-baiters, though...

 
At February 27, 2007 7:54 PM, Blogger tkkerouac replied to my musings ...

Damn the scam, I like your thumbnail.

 
At February 27, 2007 10:25 PM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

Angel: They seems to come in groups, like telemarketers.

GN: Thanks for the tip. I"ll be wary.

Tai: I'm not sure you really want the spam I get. I woudl feel awful about it.

Fuzz: Aren't all those offers nice? I'm sure they are all legit, too.

Grafs: You would think that, at least, they would try to write effectively.

TK: If you like this one, you really would have loved my previous one, my actual pic--albeit dressed as Eric Draven from The Crow--in black leather pants.

-- david

 
At February 28, 2007 12:04 AM, Blogger Ray Van Horn, Jr. replied to my musings ...

wowzers...nail 'em, brother...this is just the modern tech version of the "homeless Vietnam Vet" that haunts your local tourist trap

 
At February 28, 2007 2:02 PM, Blogger Jenna Howard replied to my musings ...

Damn David...this was brilliant.

My spam isn't this, um, usable.

 
At February 28, 2007 3:26 PM, Blogger Phats replied to my musings ...

ha good luck with this! I have been to the caymans they are nice.

 
At February 28, 2007 7:05 PM, Blogger Jeff replied to my musings ...

Oh wow you are friends with Mr. Abdul Raham too!!! What a coincidence he sends me e-mails all the time, seems like a great guy. I should really throw him a reply some time lol.

 
At March 02, 2007 10:29 AM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

Ray: Spam filters are great ... but they only get you so far.

Jenna: Thanks. I get some of that spam, too, but I prefer not to share those here.

Phats: Maybe you can meet this guy. I'm sure he's really there.

Jeff: He seems to get around.

-- david

 
At March 05, 2007 4:52 PM, Blogger Minka replied to my musings ...

That bastard, I thought I was the only one :)

 
At March 12, 2007 12:53 AM, Blogger dragonflyfilly replied to my musings ...

here's a viable solution: I'm a worthy cause (no, really!), send ME the money, and i'll take the ophan off your hands...sounds like a win/win situation...i'm sure we can figure out how this could work out well for you!

cheers for now,
(having much trouble logging into your Blog!)

pj

 

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