Sunday, December 17, 2006

Misheard Lyrics, Christmas Edition

It’s no surprise to many of you that I’m a fan of the misheard lyrics.

I’ve had a few doozies in my day, as I wrote about
back in March. These variations of well-known lyrics occur just about everywhere you turn.

Including Christmas songs.

When much younger, I came up with all kinds of creative alternatives to the season’s carols. Take for example, my mutilation of “We Wish You a Merry Christmas.” First, here are what I am told are the actual words:

We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
Good tidings we bring to you and your kin
Good tidings for Christmas and a Happy New Year

Yet as a child, I found myself always slipping this line in the middle:

Good tidings we bring to you and your thing

Take that however you want it. Psychologists would have a field day with me, I know.

And deep down in my brain, I know that lyrics for the old classic “White Christmas” go something like:

I’m dreaming of a white Christmas
With every Christmas card I write
May your days be merry and bright
And may all your Christmases be white

But, as much as my family hated it, I always song it as:

I’m dreaming of a white Christmas
With every Christmas card I sort
May your days be numbered and short
And may you spend all your Christmases in court

For some reason I haven’t figured out yet, I wasn’t allowed to sing with the other carolers. Go figure.

Then there are the religious songs I butchered. Take, for example, “Away in a Manger:”

Away in a manger, no crib for a bed
The little Lord Jesus laid down His sweet head

Churches nationwide banned me for my version:

Away in a manger, no crib for a bed
The little Lord Jesus laid down His meathead

But let’s focus on what matters. It’s the spirit of the season, not the specific verbiage of some silly songs, that’s truly important.

Just sing from your heart, spread the cheer, and enjoy the season. Don’t be one of those judgmental holier-than-thou types who mock creative children who make up their own Christmas lyrics.

In other words, don’t be a meathead.


At December 18, 2006 1:26 AM, Blogger Phats replied to my musings ...

haha nice I laughed at your versions I think they were better. Of course nothing tops Bart Simpson's version of Jingle Bells!

At December 18, 2006 11:48 AM, Blogger Curare_Z replied to my musings ...

I much prefer your versions of these songs. When will your CD be released?

At December 18, 2006 12:20 PM, Blogger The Phoenix replied to my musings ...

Jesus has a meathead? Lightning is going to strike you where you stand!

You know what all these Christmas songs need?


At December 18, 2006 12:52 PM, Blogger KC replied to my musings ...

Your interpretation is more fun than the originals.

Hubby said we had carollers on our porch last night. I missed it.

At December 18, 2006 1:57 PM, Blogger Gyrobo replied to my musings ...

I've always protested lyrics, and words in general.

At December 18, 2006 7:51 PM, Blogger Cinderella replied to my musings ...

LOL!! I just love when people sing a song and it's completely off!! It cracks me up!

I think it's creative on your part.

At December 18, 2006 9:01 PM, Blogger Jeff replied to my musings ...

David Amulet sings all the Christmas classics, this CD can be yours for just three easy payment's of $19.99.

At December 18, 2006 10:12 PM, Blogger :P fuzzbox replied to my musings ...

I can think of no better greeting than to wish a persons thing a Merry Christmas.

At December 19, 2006 7:34 AM, Blogger OnMyWatch replied to my musings ...

May your days be numbered and short...hahahaha. truly heartwarming. I'll never sing that song the same way again.

I used to think that one song said, "later on, we'll perspire, as we sit by the fire." oh what's the name of that song? Walking in a Wiccan Wonderland?

At December 19, 2006 7:56 AM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

Phats: I find it hard to compete with a cartoon character. I tried once as a kid and, as a result, to this day I can't stand the Schmoo.

Curare, Cinderella, Jeff: My holiday CD will be sold as part of a 2-CD set, along with Donald Rumsfeld Sings the Christmas Blues.

Phoenix: I think every holiday manger scene should have one of the three wise men playing the cowbell.

KC: I'm sorry you missed it--you could have tried out my lyrics on 'em.

Gyrobo: In the immortal words of Michael Hutchence, "Words as weapons/Sharper than knives."

Fuzz: I had a hunch you wouldn't mind that one. Too bad I keep this blog clean--you should hear my version of "Silver Balls."

OMW: I don't think my mother ever yelled at me as loudly as when I sang that version of "White Christmas."

-- david

At December 19, 2006 10:35 AM, Blogger cube replied to my musings ...

Merry Christmas to you... and your thing ;-)

At December 19, 2006 2:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous replied to my musings ...

Oh see now I need to know your version of Silver Bells.

I make it a habit of wishing things Good tidings.

Good Tidings!

At December 19, 2006 9:26 PM, Anonymous LisaBinDaCity replied to my musings ...

"In other words, don’t be a meathead."

Or a bonehead neither!

At December 20, 2006 12:28 AM, Blogger Gyrobo replied to my musings ...

I second the request for your rendition of Silver Bells.

At December 20, 2006 10:30 AM, Blogger Paige Burns replied to my musings ...

So, I'm guessing you won't think it's a bad thing that my kids knew "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" before they knew the traditional version?

At December 20, 2006 11:11 AM, Blogger Perplexio replied to my musings ...

This is only peripherally related, but is it just me or does the term "Yule Log" elicit giggles from you as well? For some unfortunate reason it conjures mental images of Herr & Frau Claus "en flagrante delicto." (PLEASE GOD, MAKE IT STOP!)

I am looking forward to JC's birthday party though. I hear he's got a mad-crazy party trick where he turns water into wine... You just might want to go easy on the Oregano on your pizza and pasta dishes after the party though... I hear the Fire marshal gets to sit next to him again this year... something about having 2006 candles being a "fire hazard." But man, dude looks good for being over 2 millenia old.

At December 20, 2006 1:51 PM, Anonymous fred charles replied to my musings ...

I thought Jesus laid down his metalhead...

At December 20, 2006 3:30 PM, Blogger Lee Ann replied to my musings ...

hahaha....those are great.
I think the reason is that people don't sing their lyrics Clearly!
It's not your fault....well spend all your Christmases in court...hmmmm....haha
Have a great week!
Merry Christmas!

At December 20, 2006 5:56 PM, Blogger Grafs replied to my musings ...

My Mom always thought that the pledge of allegiance ended with "and justice frog" instead of "and justice for all". Kids are just funny like that.

At December 21, 2006 7:15 AM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

No, no Silver Bells here ... but my thing is fine, thank you very much.

Lisa B: "Bonehead" never occured ot me, I don't know why.

Paige: I forgot about that one, but since it's not one I made up myself as a kid, I guess I wouldn't have included it anyway.

Perplexio: You're not alone: the word "Yule" is just odd, but it does open up many fun pun possibilities. I'm sure yule agree.

Fred: If I would have been a metal fan at the age of four, I surely would have used "metalhead" instead.

Lee Ann: Yes, I'll be happy to blame it on others. Merry Christmas to you, too!

Grafs: That's one I've never heard. Thanks for adding to my list.

-- david

At December 21, 2006 9:34 AM, Blogger erika replied to my musings ...

I like your words much better.

Happy Holidays!

At December 21, 2006 3:56 PM, Blogger angel, jr. replied to my musings ...

Misheard lyrics are the best. I love the phone commercial where they sing the lyrics to Rock the Casbah.

At December 22, 2006 1:41 AM, Blogger starbender replied to my musings ...

hahahaaa, U remind me of ME!!!

Have a Great Christmas, and may the New Year be much better!

: )

At December 22, 2006 8:43 AM, Blogger Fated replied to my musings ...

I will never hear White Christmas the same again! Haha, I got a good chuckle out of that. :)

Merry Christmas!

At December 25, 2006 7:50 PM, Blogger X. Dell replied to my musings ...

Methinks you've forgotten the classic "Jingle Bells, Batman Smells."


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