Long Live the King
Some countries prefer to live in the past. And this is understandable—many places today just aren’t as impressive as they were in their glory days.
Italy is just a small slice of the lands of the massive Roman Empire. Mongols once ruled most of Asia, not only a chunk in the middle of the continent. And Denmark doesn’t match up to the vast former Viking holdings.
Sometimes, nations will cling to figures from the past to feel better.
The U.K., for example, celebrates the monarchy as if it still meant something. And Mongolia can’t let go of its Genghis Khan fetish.
But nothing compares to this new one.
Poland’s legislators have drafted a resolution that would make Jesus Christ the honorary king of the country, according to this Associated press article. He wouldn’t have any true executive power, mind you, merely ceremonial duties.
Kind of like Regis Philbin in the United States.
The Polish parliamentary proposal, however, may lead other countries to follow suit by naming these folks as head of state:
Germany: David Hasselhoff. For some reason I have yet to understand, Germans just love the former star of Knight Rider and Baywatch. We don’t need him, so they can have him.
Egypt: King Tutankhamen. Sure, he was just a boy king … but he had a great name. And maybe he could build new, bigger pyramids as a memorial to his new reign.
Iraq: Saddam Hussein. If Iraqis can’t agree on anything but killing each other, they might as well have this homicidal dictator back at the helm. Good luck with that.
France: Marcel Marceau. Everyone around the world should welcome the coronation of the famed mime as king of the Franks—at least we’ll hear less of that infernal French language.
The North Pole: Santa Claus, of course!
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.