Sunday, November 12, 2006

Fantasy Island

Global warming advocates tell us that the world's land is slowly disappearing.

And their logic is sound. Rising temperatures will melt polar ice, which over time will push the world’s oceans higher, covering low-lying islands and coastal areas. Makes sense.

But the earth is mad as hell and isn’t going to take it anymore.

This fall, the South Pacific lost some of its surface area when Mother Earth pushed and pushed … and gave birth to a new island near Tonga. It popped up through the surface because of undersea volcanic activity. Once the occurrence is confirmed, the size of the Pacific Ocean—not to mention the land area of the nation of Tonga—will require recalculation.

But the real difficulty probably will arise when the time comes to name the island. So many options …

Let’s start with a traditional choice: Taufa’ahau. It would be a good name, given that Tonga’s King Taufa’ahau Tupou IV just passed away in September after ruling for 41 years (which is forever in country-rulership terms, almost as long as The Rolling Stones have been together). I'll admit, however, that it's a bit hard for non-Tongans to pronounce.

That leaves an opening for a geographical name. Like Little Tonga. After all, at less than a mile in diameter, the new islet isn’t going to be a giant anytime soon. But Tonga’s pretty tiny already, so this name would be humiliating for the islet and lead to years of therapy later on.

So maybe pop culture is the way to go. With its emergence from nowhere, the island might be best named after American Idol’s Taylor Hicks. Hicks’ fate since his victory, on the other hand, means that this island would be destined to drop right back in the ocean.

I'm stumped.

Well, this concern about naming the volcanic islet could be misplaced anyway. More than likely, global warming will just wipe it out again unless it finds some way to rise higher—and quickly.

In other words, although it’s getting much attention for its sudden arrival, the island shouldn’t get too cocky. It has a moment in the sun, sure, but a lack of growth and productivity may seal its doom. In a couple of years, the islet may fade into history without much ado.

So let’s just call it Democratic control of Congress.


At November 13, 2006 12:54 AM, Blogger Phats replied to my musings ...

I don't know what to say, and crap I am first. I didn't like Taylor Hicks, I voted for Kat.

At November 13, 2006 8:01 AM, Blogger Perplexio replied to my musings ...

Let's name it after the late Uber Austrian dance maestro himself-- Falco. We could even install a puppet dictatorship led by "Der Kommisar"

At November 13, 2006 8:53 AM, Blogger Curare_Z replied to my musings ...

HIYA! Welcome back.

Well, if its "More than likely, global warming will just wipe it out again unless it finds some way to rise higher—and quickly."

Then it should be named K-Fed. Although giving that loser another reason to suspect he's popular would probably be a bad idea....

At November 13, 2006 11:25 AM, Anonymous Bruce replied to my musings ...

K-Fed... Oh wait, Curare stole my thunder.

At November 13, 2006 3:25 PM, Blogger :P fuzzbox replied to my musings ...

I'm with Curare and Bruce. It's small and inconsequential, a perfect match for K-Fed.

At November 13, 2006 3:28 PM, Blogger jay lassiter replied to my musings ...

hmmm, i had a clever answer and then i typed it and realized it was a bad idea. lol.
but you're right that we better rename it quick.

At November 13, 2006 4:43 PM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

Phats: You had your chance but you froze up like a deer in the headlights. Or like the Purude offense on occasion.

Perplexio: I like that idea; Falco has not received the honors he deserves.

Curare: Thanks--we'll call tonight if the lady is over her unfortunate cold. And probably even if not. We have tales to tell! And I skipped K-Fed because I think I've picked on him enough in the past few weeks.

Bruce, Fuzz: Yeah, I know. It's our collective knee-jerk first answer. It's a good analogy, except Britney never rose the island.

Jay: I thought I'd bring you out of lurker-land with my last comment! I'm an equal opportunity pundit, so I'm sure you'll see the other side get it again soon, too.

-- david

At November 13, 2006 5:11 PM, Blogger Phats replied to my musings ...

Wow that was harsh! Umm do you really wanna start something when you back Duke?! haha :) I mean we are going bowling

At November 13, 2006 5:32 PM, Blogger dragonflyfilly replied to my musings ...

maybe we should name it Little Zeeland, and pass a new law to send all our "parolees" out there....i mean the really really bad ones who we know will re-offend, then that way, if the island sinks back into the ocean...well,,,"oh well"....or is that notion politically incorrect and undemocratic?

At November 13, 2006 11:59 PM, Blogger Godwhacker replied to my musings ...

Wont warmer temperatures mean a greater amount of H20 will exist as water vapor and might that not cancel out the water added to the oceans?

Anyway, back to the island - let's call it Xena since those dorks who take everything to seriously already took her planet away. It could become a lesbian vacation paradise.

At November 14, 2006 4:04 PM, Blogger Paige Burns replied to my musings ...

Either global warming will take it back or the Asian nail salons will hack it to bits for their pumice supply for pedicures.

At November 14, 2006 5:49 PM, Blogger The Phoenix replied to my musings ...

We could go old-school and remember another 15 minute celebrity:

Kato Island.

At November 14, 2006 8:47 PM, Blogger Zen Wizard replied to my musings ...

It was an unplanned, uncontained spurt that resulted from a sort of volcanic coitus interruptus, right when people in the "parent" country began to drift apart, and will be nothing but a strain on the father island, who will seek visitation rights to the tiny island.

Hence, the island should be named, "Sean Preston Federline."

At November 15, 2006 4:55 AM, Blogger DaBich replied to my musings ...

How bout naming it Pluto? Poor little planet that isn't a planet anymore. Well, I tried ;X

At November 15, 2006 7:00 AM, Blogger goldennib replied to my musings ...

They could call it Pimple.

At November 15, 2006 4:17 PM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

Methinks Tonga needs to come up with about a dozen more new islands to serve as recipients for the great names you're all serving up.

-- david

At November 15, 2006 11:58 PM, Blogger Maggie replied to my musings ...

How about going with a Sendak theme and call it "Max's Island of Wild Things"?

At November 16, 2006 2:44 AM, Blogger Ben Heller replied to my musings ...

I was talking with my Italian buddy Mario about this new island just the other day.

He thinks it should be named either,

Tonga In Cheeka


Tonga Tied

At November 16, 2006 10:47 PM, Blogger Lee Ann replied to my musings ...

Have a great weekend!

At November 17, 2006 11:47 AM, Anonymous mojotek replied to my musings ...

That, my friend, was a GREAT build up to your punch line. I'm glad I wasn't drinking something when I finished the post or I'd have spittle all over my monitor.

At November 18, 2006 3:11 AM, Blogger Simon replied to my musings ...

You have a very interesting blog. Would you like to exchange link with me? I am sure your blog will be a great addition the readers can enjoy...

At November 18, 2006 6:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous replied to my musings ...

clearly, they should name it after me. I don't even know why there was a debate.

In other news, i'm back in blogging, and you're posts are as spot on as usual!

At November 19, 2006 5:42 PM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

Maggie: it is never wrong to reference "Where the Wild Things Are." Let the rumpus begin!

Ben: Mario must be my alter ego.

Lee Ann: Thanks again. You are my biggest weekend well-wisher!

Mojotek: Gracias. I'm glad it worked for you ... and for your monitor.

Simon: I'm glad you came by. I'd be happy to exchange links; I'll get yours up this week when I update next.

Fatty: Welcome back! It's great to see you've returned. Thanks for the compliment; I hope to see you back as a regular again.

-- david

At November 22, 2006 5:36 AM, Blogger An80sNut replied to my musings ...

You killed me with the finale... B)


Post a Comment

<< Home