Bluff in the Buff
There are countless ways to have fun in life. And many of them are better naked.
I’ve even heard—make sure you’re sitting down, folks—that you can find pictures of some bare-skinned activities on this “Internet” thing everyone keeps talking about. (Who knew? Here I thought the Web was only for the exchange of scientific knowledge. And for blogging, of course.)
One particularly well-established naked pastime is about to rise to a new level. That’s right, strip poker is hitting the big time: an Irish bookmaker plans the world’s largest game later this month in London. Originally planned for 100 men and 100 women, the championship may expand due to greater-than-expected interest.
Maybe this trend will spread to the following pastimes:
Wrestling: The sport can return to its ancient Greek origins. Back then, wrestlers competed without clothes—and covered in olive oil.
I’m not sure I really want to see modern wrestlers naked, but it would have one public service benefit: kids would see all too clearly the shrunken-testicle consequences of steroids and just say “no.”
Soccer: With the limited popularity of soccer in this country, we need to do something to get fans into stadiums. Most women I know would pay big bucks to see Real Madrid’s David Beckham, for example, running around uncovered for a couple of hours.
Yes, it’s “soccer,” not “football.” I’m American.
Air travel: There’s no reason—other than fluctuating cabin temperatures and dirty seats, both of which airlines surely can control better—to wear clothes on an airplane. Most importantly, in light of today’s news, flying in the buff would foil terrorists trying to smuggle explosives onto aircraft.
Logic is on my side. Maybe I’ll get this idea started on my next flight.
Do you think I’m bluffing?
posted by David Amulet @ 10:10 AM
53 wisecracks
53 Comments:
I can't help but think of the scene in Weird Al's UHF movie where they advertise for a show called "Strip Solitaire".
Mark - LOL. I forgot about that.
David - I have no issues with any of these, as long as it's just women that I watch doing it. I have a problem with men rolling around naked with their balls and shafts flopping all over rubbing on eachother. *shutter* (this has nothing to do with gay people, so I don't mean to offend anyone)
new slogan: Delta is Naked When You Are. or Fly the Nekkid Skies
Just think, you could book a flight on a Boeing, Boeing, Boeing 757!
No I don't think you're bluffing, but you may very well be "buffing."
As far as being in the buff, I believe Val Kilmer tackled this issue in the movie Real Genius. He was asking his roommate if he would be prepared if gravity reversed itself. Then he asked himself, "but how would we keep the change in our pockets?" Then he had an "A-Ha!" moment and said, "Nudity." But then you wouldn't have any pockets to keep your change in, so I don't really understand the logic behind it.
Uh, yeah!
I would go to that soccer game!
;)
Wow, the naked airline flight suggestion is probably the most terrifying. It sounds like a porno version of Snakes on a Plane. At least with the soccer games you'd get to watch guys who are in good shape!
Well, there are naked golf tournaments in the world. Not sure what's worse, golf fashions or naked golfers...new meaning to putting the ball in the hole, perhaps?
How about UN meetings? Then we'll never run the risk of shoe pounding again. Best of all, let's see how tough Nascar drivers are without their suits. No, maybe not. and cycling, well, that shouldn't be attempted naked. Just trust me on that one.
I would imagine that some lesser known sports might take this idea and run with it. I mean, after all, won't more people go see croquet if the players are naked?
Or how about ice dancing? Despite the potential shrinkage, it would bring a renewed interest into the sport.
Naked airtravel!? WTF!?
I think instead of trying to make soccer more exciting(that will never happen btw) we should just drop it all together here in the states! Ya, that's a good plan
Any activity can be done in the nude. Just look at the Playboy spreads. Those chicks ride horses in the nude, they bale hay in the nude, they garden and cook in the nude. Many many activities can be done in the nude. I think one that must be avoided however is frying chicken in the nude. That might be painful.
Naked hockey? Nothing but skates and cold cold ice. I'm not sure this one would catch on but I would definitely watch that. That's entertainment and a half.
Adam and Eve themed day at church? Not sure how well that would go over. Also, who wants to see Aunt Bea in her birthday suit *shudders*
Mark: Nobody shoudl ever use "Weird Al" and "strip" in the same sentence again.
Mike: Agreed.
OMW: Very good! I figured someone would make a Hooter Air wisecrack, but you've topped that.
Perplexio: I never understood that, either. Perhaps he meant he'd hold his change in his hand. Perhaps. BTW, I went to a Chiacgo concert last night. I was mostly disappointed--I just don't like what the "new" vocalist does with Peter EtCetera's vocals. But the music was well played, especially the pre-Chicago IX stuff.
Lea Ann, Buffy: I think you are forming the core of the Nude Soccer movement!
Mike: Based on what most UN Ambassadors I have seen look like, we'd better skip that whole nude UN thing.
Curare: The summer sports always seemed to make more sense to me naked. Like swimming, for example. And pole vault.
Phats: I'll let the non-Americans here address your disdain for the world's game.
Angel, Jr.: Good point--because we all know that Playboy photo shoots are the truest representation of reality!
Fated: Church attendance would probably spike the first time, and fall dramatcially thereafter when people see what walks through the door.
-- david
I think the airplane seat belts would chafe my crotch.
Maybe naked curling? Actually no. Those people seem to be pretty out of shape. Yuck.
As long as no one starts naked bingo, I'm ok with any other naked sports or games they can think of.
Just say "no" to tiny balls. Nobody wants tiny balls. Nobody.
*Smacks Phats*..ahem, anyways...
I love soccer and I am with Lee Ann here..~Snicker~ =P
David - What about the Huey Lewis part of the concert? Or were you there for that part? As far as Jason Scheff handling Peter's vocals, I tend to agree. I actually got far more enjoyment out of seeing/hearing Peter live solo backed by an orchestra than I've been when I've seen Chicago live over the past few years.
The best tour the current line-up of Chicago has done was 1995. They played a lot of stuff from their big band album, Night & Day and put on a great show. As for the Peter Cetera era the best tours were 1978 and 1982. There are a couple of soundboard bootlegs from those tours. The band sounds incredibly tight on both tours.
I certainly don't think you're bluffing after what's happened today at all our UK airports.
Naked flying sounds OK to me as long as the stewardesses respond likewise.
David Beckham in the buff....wow....what a visual!
Hey speaking of David's in the buff, since you had his great idea I think you should start by posting a pic of you in your b-day suit right here on your blog.
I dare you!
Phoenix: No matter what sport they're playing, some naked men will display a bit of curling.
BV: There's something else we agree on.
Cindy: Ooooh, a cat fight! Is this where you and Phats put on lingerie and hit each other with pillows and ... (stepping away for a cold shower)
Perplexio: Huey Lewis and the News did not play. The show was at the small venue of Wolftrap--the National Center for the Performing Arts outide Washington--that tends not to do double bills in the evening. The highlights of the show from myh POV were "Beginnings," "I'm a Man," and the extended "Make Me Smile," which opened the show.
Ben: For about 1 in 5 stewardesses, maybe. For the rest, I'll use the eye shade, thank you very much.
Barbara: There you go, trying to turn this into one of THOSE blogs. Well, I would post such an image of myself ... but the massive number of visitors that would flock to this site like moths to the flame to witness the glory of said picture would surely overwhelm Blogger's servers--and crash most of our blogs. So, in the interest of everyone's e-welfare, I must respectfully decline.
-- david
soccer all the way baby ... mann I miss watching the Fifa Worldcup 2006 .. now i have nothing to watch (sports) ..
Just don't be frying any bacon.
I thought the old saying went, "everything's better deep fried?"
Ya know, the Running of the Bulls would be much more entertaining if they would limit the people to those 'stylish' red sashes.
I'm not sure how I feel about naked banking. I mean...all it takes is one miss on swiping the debit card.
Oh yeah...David Beckham nekkid. Glorious. I have a movie going on in my head right now so I'm just gonna...enjoy it. Thanks for the idea David!
Having seen some of my fellow passengers with their clothes on, the prospect of spending 8 hours on a flight with them naked has zero appeal.
But why stop there - why not have naked government? Prime Ministers Question Time would get a whole new look and you could be sure that there would be no hidden agendas.
Oh yes, and I seem to be the only person on this thread for whom the prospect of nekked Becks has no appeal.
If there was naked soccer, I think that would change the whole "soccer mom" subgroup demographic significantly.
You are probably not bluffing lol.
Man, the wrestling-steroids thing cracked me up. Just say no indeed. And lest we forget Strip Monopoly from Friday the 13th, just as the wind conveniently stopped Adrienne King from taking her shirt off? Had to have been in her contract or something...
Ooh but naked Twister? Now we're talking.
How could I forget Naked Twister? Sigh.
Sadly i don't think it would foil terrorist plots on planes. Plenty of holes and folds to hide potential bombs......nasty thought!!
there will be a lot more people ranked into the mile high club... LOL...
Nabeel, Kim, Jenna, Janet: Naked soccer might give a whole new meaning to the "hard foul."
Fuzz, Gyrobo: I don't know if "everything is better fired" is really true for everything, but at least terrorists are better fried.
Maggie, Mimi: How about we make the UFC fighters run in Pamplona? I'd be more entertained by that than by either "sport" alone.
T-Grunt: Nude politics already has a rich tradition, from Caligula up through Bill Clinton.
Carmel: I guess you all will never know if I'm bluffing. At least until you see the oddly familiar headline; "Wiseass Blogger Arrested for Mid-Air Indecent Exposure."
Ray: A shame she stopped then. At least Phoebe Cates's contract in Fast Times was more generous to us.
Jenna: Now that I'd like to see--200+ people in the world's largest Naked Twister competition.
CT: If so, suppose airlines will need to take precautions. Because passengers cannot carry disinfectant gel on board now, they should put a dispenser on the back of every seat. And a towel or two.
-- david
Ohh great I have to get on a plane next week. If they ask me to take my clothes off I am blaming you
I am linking ya almost as we speak ;)
Thanks for the link back love getting to know new bloggers
Oooo...I'd love to see Sting wrestle while covered in olive oil....does he need an opponent??? I may only be 5'3" but you know what they say...dynamite comes in small packages! :)
I think it would lead some people with delicate psyches to drive sharp objects into their eyes. There are people out there I don't want to see clothed, much less not.
Two things - I appreciated you leaving your photo off for the reasons stated above, you are one thoughtful guy! Also - I love that site "cluster" the search engine - very cool! Thanks!
WAIT! I have an idea, you could email the photo to each of us individually.
ROFL!!! Fly naked?! I've always gotten a kick out of going to the john at 35,000 ft. I'm not sure I can handle flying naked...
Hmmm... a naked flight for us to Vegas next month? OK -- well, I'm always the one who wanted to "get this party started." I just didn't know that I might needn't wait until I got off the plane! Inflight cocktails, anyone?
Air travel:
If u'r gonna blow up-
may as well B nekkid!
:o
LOLOLOL!!!! I love this post!!
I want to see Beckham naked too. Damn. I think I'm going to make a list. The World Cup had quite a few hotties running around.
Most importantly, in light of today’s news, flying in the buff would foil terrorists trying to smuggle explosives onto aircraft.
I find I must defer to your wisdom, Mr Amulet. Fly naked? I seriously would hope I get seated next to a passenger whose naked bits might like my naked bits. Otherwise, a long haul flight would be severely tedious, indeed.
GG
Gosh David, isn't my blogging in the nude enought for ya?
Erika: I'm OK with that. If the TSA actually requires nude flight, I'll take the blame.
LoB, Cube: Good point--some people I really don't want to sit next to naked. Maybe hot bloggers like all of us here should get our own seating section.
Phats: Sounds good. I'll even avoid saying nasty things about Drew Brees in your honor.
Stacy: Sting to me identifies a musical artist, although I assume you're referring to the wrestler. I'll never accept anyone else with that name.
Bar: Maybe when my star rises a bit further I'll sell the pix to a sleazy magazine for mucho dinero.
Pavel, Kay, Starbender: With all the comments on this, we could charter a naked Blogger flight already.
Paige: Thanks for coming by--I hope you visit regularly. And I think there are already enough balls flying around in dodgeball, let's not add more.
GG: That's right. If they take away iPods and books and magazines from carry-on, then we're left with little but our bodies!
Lisa: Sorry, gotta run and take that cold shower now.
-- david
Gee...everywhere I go...there's Paige. Who's clicking through my links, my friend? *wipes away tear of pride*
When you book that nekkid flight, David, you let me know. I may start to like flying.
Have a great weekend David :o)
Logic is on your side. And many of us blog in the buff, although I like to wear lingerie in case someone has a webcam. But my morning face pre-coffee is Medusa's fright--it turns many a man into stone. The best thing to do nude other than some obvious activities is swim naked. I have visited many nude beaches and I love them. You actually feel weird wearing clothes. And it isn't about feeling sexy; it's just about feeling good. But I know for some that is one and the same.
"I’m not sure I really want to see modern wrestlers naked, but it would have one public service benefit: kids would see all too clearly the shrunken-testicle consequences of steroids and just say “no.”"
I almost spat up my coffee from this one.
Haha, I'm a bit curious to see the repercussions of using roids.
Great post, David. I would imagine these sports could be kind of crazy in the nude...
1. Fishing (hey, half of those cable TV fishing show guys' asses are hanging out already anyway)
2. Fencing (might be trouble)
3. Cockfighting (OK, let's not even go there...)
Hehe... love this post! The thought of naked people on an aeroplane would encourage more eople to join the mile high club, well maybe not!
Actually, there is a nudist airline. So feel free to book your trip anytime.
I wonder if ESPN might be interested in covering this strip poker contest. Beats the hell out of Texas Hold 'Em.
Was that bluffing or buffing? ;)
Post a Comment
<< Home