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Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Shot Full of Rock

You probably enjoy your occasional cup of joe. But how do you feel about a cup of Gene, Paul, Ace, and Peter?

That’s right—it’s now even easier to rock and roll all night with the caffeine buzz you’ll get at the KISS Coffeehouse in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.

KISS bass player and frequent lead singer Gene Simmons is no stranger to marketing. He has managed to get the KISS logo on everything from comic books to condoms, from underwear to coffins.

And now, he says, it’s time for the KISS faithful to have their own refreshments. So step right up and order your French Kiss Vanilla, Demon Dark Roast, or Kiss Frozen Rockuccunio.

Yes, these drinks really are on the menu.

We may be seeing a new trend; keep your eyes open for these upcoming musician-themed food-and-drink specialty shops:

Clay Aiken: Cheese

Slayer: Devil’s Food Cake

Scott Weiland of Velvet Revolver: Coke

Lars Ulrich of Metallica: Danish

Country Music Association: Crackers

Tommy Lee of Mötley Crüe: Sausage

Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson: Pop tarts

32 Comments:

At July 06, 2006 12:57 AM, Blogger Layla replied to my musings ...

I may have to travel down to Myrtle Beach just to have a French Kiss Vanilla! Tommy Lee Sausage, Scott Weiland Coke - you have a great sense of wit. :)

 
At July 06, 2006 3:50 AM, Blogger Carmel replied to my musings ...

Hehe I love the Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson one!

 
At July 06, 2006 4:11 AM, Blogger Ben Heller replied to my musings ...

It seems that so many "stars" these days are trading in any last semblance of musical acumen for blatant capitalism so Gene isn't the first and certainly won't be the last. Any opportunity to earn the big bucks I guess...

As Billy Joel said,

"Rock 'n Roller Cola Wars, I can't take it anymore"

Sing us a song Gene

 
At July 06, 2006 5:09 AM, Blogger ChickyBabe replied to my musings ...

You're right on with the pop tarts!

 
At July 06, 2006 6:52 AM, Blogger Curare_Z replied to my musings ...

LOL! Good one Amulet. American Idol is going to capitalize on this idea of yours, you just watch.

 
At July 06, 2006 8:13 AM, Blogger DaBich replied to my musings ...

Pop tarts....LOL! Love it.

 
At July 06, 2006 9:47 AM, Blogger :P fuzzbox replied to my musings ...

I'm looking forward to the opening of the Nirvana Funeral Parlor.

 
At July 06, 2006 11:28 AM, Blogger KC replied to my musings ...

I am not familiar with Clay Aiken so I don't know if "cheese" fits or not, but since you say so, I'm sure it's exactly the right product for the right celebrity.

Love the pop tarts!

 
At July 06, 2006 11:33 AM, Anonymous Fred Charles replied to my musings ...

Gene, Gene, Gene! It's so hard to be a Kiss fan these days. The menu items are hilarious though.

 
At July 06, 2006 12:02 PM, Blogger OnMyWatch replied to my musings ...

you wanted the best - you got it, the hottest coffee in the world... :)

I wonder if you ordered a double- shot of espresso, would you have to say "Deuce"? And when the baristas relayed the orders to each other would they have to shout it out loud?

I guess a little cold gin wouldn't be so bad, as long as they didn't spill it in my lap. But then again, all they'd have to do is lick it up. No lawsuits here. :)

Enjoyed your post!

 
At July 06, 2006 12:06 PM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

Seems like the pop tarts are the crowd favorites.

OMW: You have my compliments on taking the KISS references to a new level. You sure know somethin' about the band!

-- david

 
At July 06, 2006 12:29 PM, Blogger The Phoenix replied to my musings ...

Wow...a Kiss coffeeshop. That's Twilight Zone stuff right there.

How about:

J Lo: Honey buns

Elton John: Fruity Pebbles

Michael Jackson: Fruit Roll Ups

Lindsey Lohan and Nicole Ritchie: Ribs

 
At July 06, 2006 12:31 PM, Blogger OnMyWatch replied to my musings ...

yes, yes, I do but I can't relay those stories until everyone who knows me dies. ;)

 
At July 06, 2006 1:12 PM, Anonymous Bruce replied to my musings ...

Pamela Anderson could always open up a Tupperware store..

 
At July 06, 2006 1:46 PM, Blogger DaBich replied to my musings ...

OMG! I'm howling here! lol

 
At July 06, 2006 1:46 PM, Blogger Zen Wizard replied to my musings ...

Vanilla Ice: ice cream;

Ice-T: Uhhh...iced tea?

Pussycat Dolls: estrogen treatments;

Johnny Cash Estate: ATM machines

Vanilla Fudge: lubricant

Britney Spears: Cheese puffs and condoms that leak;

David Hasselhoff: Embalming fluid. Wrecking balls to tear down walls, a la Berlin. (Okay--that sucked. I'm scraping now, so I give up...)

 
At July 06, 2006 4:19 PM, Blogger Zen Wizard replied to my musings ...

I didn't know this when I made my smartassed comments, but Ice-T will produce Hasselhoff's next album.

Products:

Iced-T KITT.

Pimpwatch.

Berlin Wall "Ho Stroll" Talking "Trap" Car.

Waterproof Lifeguard Glock 9-millimeter.

Etc....

 
At July 06, 2006 6:24 PM, Blogger CT replied to my musings ...

what about a kurt cobain psycho sandwich?
I bet that place is cool...

 
At July 06, 2006 6:47 PM, Blogger Enemy of the Republic replied to my musings ...

What do you think Trent Reznor eats? How about Bono (angel food cake, probably.)

 
At July 07, 2006 2:44 AM, Blogger PDD replied to my musings ...

Michael Bolton: Shot of homo milk.

Prince: Cream.

Nelly Furtado: Pork and Cheese.

Denis Rodman: Prince Albert.

Melissa Ethridge: Diesel Fuel.

MNM: Chocolate M&M

P Diddy: Big Guns.

K-Fed: Panty Remover.

K.D Lang: Carpet Muncher.

Celine Dion: Viagra.

Madonna: (2 selections): Bloody Mary Or Virgin Mary.

De La Soul: Filet O Fish.

Pink: Canoe.

 
At July 07, 2006 3:06 AM, Blogger PDD replied to my musings ...

Addendum:

Dennis Rodman, because we all know he will cut a record sooner or later.

 
At July 07, 2006 10:48 AM, Blogger ~ good girl ~ replied to my musings ...

Pop Tarts! That was good!!

Phonenix's "Ribs" is also right on the money!

 
At July 07, 2006 2:51 PM, Blogger LocuTus of Borg replied to my musings ...

Eeekk David make me barf! LOL

 
At July 09, 2006 12:10 AM, Blogger Pavel replied to my musings ...

rofl! Very funny.

Visiting for the first time and I've enjoyed it. I'm with the majority about the Pop tarts!

 
At July 10, 2006 9:59 AM, Blogger starbender replied to my musings ...

Hahaaa...
and what will they have for
Boy George...
'whipped espresso'
;]

 
At July 10, 2006 10:03 PM, Blogger Mimi replied to my musings ...

Damn I love your creative wit! I am so jealous!

 
At July 11, 2006 12:11 AM, Blogger Amy replied to my musings ...

David ! I can always count on your for a good laugh ! Your mind is a dangerous place, I can just TELL !
hahahahah

 
At July 11, 2006 8:05 AM, Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen replied to my musings ...

Mmmmm! Demon Dark Roast sounds yummy.

Can I get that with whip cream? :)

 
At July 11, 2006 11:44 AM, Blogger Blonde Vigilante replied to my musings ...

Doesn't Gene have a show on A&E now? I'm pretty sure he does. Him and his tongue...who knew?

 
At July 11, 2006 5:10 PM, Blogger Zen Wizard replied to my musings ...

Gene Simmons: Extra-large, jumbo cunnilingus latex dental dams. Unabridged, 40,000-Listing Black Book.

JEAN Simmons" "So Long at the Fair"-Antacid; "Give Us the Moon"-Buttwax/Exfoliant; "Black Narcissus"-Vanity Mirror.

Richard Simmons: Doo Wop Marathon/Motown Reuinion "Oldies" Concert Anti-Perspirant.

 
At July 12, 2006 12:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous replied to my musings ...

hate to be the naysayer - but "pop tarts" may be the most oft used phrase when describing Brittney in print "Jon Stewart".

 
At July 19, 2006 9:34 AM, Blogger jay lassiter replied to my musings ...

CMA=crackers.

not that's comedy!

 

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