A Modesto Proposal
There I was, leaving the mall after some Mother’s Day shopping. Just minding my own business.
As I made my way through the parking lot, my thoughts wandered to my plans for weekend … Duke’s basketball team next season … how much better off the world would be if Britney Spears stopped having children …
Lost in my own little world, I meandered for what must have been five minutes before realizing that my car was gone.
First thought: Crap! Where did I park? Then, after a few seconds of careful consideration, and a memory of parking it RIGHT HERE, the mind turns to: Crap! Someone stole my freakin car!
Of course, it’s right about then that another memory returns, one of pulling into a spot in a very similar lot near a very similar door. Only it’s about half a mile around the building.
And during the long walk past Banana Republic and Ann Taylor Loft, I’m thinking At least they didn’t steal my car. Which shouldn’t surprise me because the Washington, DC area, I'm happy to say, does NOT rank near the top of the country’s worst car theft regions.
Then again, neither does New York. Or Boston. Or Miami. In fact, no metropolitan area east of the Rocky Mountains shows up.
But the story would end very differently if you lived in places like San Diego, Phoenix, Sacramento, or Seattle; they all rank in the top ten per capita vehicle theft areas, according to the National Insurance Crime Bureau. California comes out the worst—six of the top ten metropolitan areas are in the Golden State.
And the city of Modesto, for the second year running, is the worst of them all.
And some facts about Modesto make this criminal distinction seem like more than just a coincidence.
It turns out director George Lucas is from Modesto—where he set American Graffiti, the movie in which a character rode around all night--in other people’s cars!
Crazy, I know.
But not as crazy as this: The Modesto area was also home to James Marsters, who you probably know better as Spike from TV’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel.
Marsters’ Spike, of course, appeared on Buffy with Willow, played by Alyson Hannigan, who in turn was in the American Pie films with Seann William Scott, the one and only Stifler.
And we all know what other movie HE was in. Come on, say it with me …
Dude, Where’s My Car?