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Sunday, April 09, 2006

Caught Between a Rock and a Drunk Place

You may recall my recent post discussing the Peoria police that somehow overlooked a dead body in a parked car.

Most of you thought that was a big oversight. You’re right, it was. But just wait until you hear THIS one.

Imagine you’re driving for hours through Australia, across one of the flattest and most desolate landscapes on Earth. You’re looking for Uluru, also known as Ayers Rock: a huge sandstone formation, five miles around, which towers almost 1000 feet above you.

But you just can’t find the damn thing.

So you stop to ask the police where to find the rock, and their jaws drop. They stare at you like you’re drunk.

Well, actually, you ARE drunk. And they are in shock because you don’t see the massive monolith that looms only a couple of hundred feet in front of you. It's that colored mountain right there. Yes, that thing in your headlights.

Oops.

This scenario played out recently to this man from New South Wales. Now I must say, driving while under the influence is rarely a good idea. (I’d say never, but then you would surely come back with a story of how an axe-wielding murderer would have slain you had you not sped away while intoxicated. So I’ll stick with “rarely.”)

But flagging down the police to help your inebriated ass find the huge rock that’s right in front of you is … well, I imagine it’s in the legal dictionary next to “self-incriminating.”

I am not going to use this, however, as a chance to bash Australians. Nor will I take advantage of the opportunity to poke fun at bad drivers everywhere. Instead, I hope that each of you will simply learn from this man’s mistakes.

Follow some basic advice: Try to be more aware of your surroundings. Don’t self-incriminate. Get yourself a good map.

And rock on.

35 Comments:

At April 09, 2006 10:19 PM, Blogger fatty ~ replied to my musings ...

what an idiot!
actually, i find it hilarious that he asked for directions.

i totally support anyone who wants to self-incriminate themselves. it saves the police having to do the work themselves. If more drunk drivers and murderers turned themselves in, life would be better for all of us!

 
At April 09, 2006 11:58 PM, Blogger Jim replied to my musings ...

had friend, stopped at a bar, got drunk, so drunk he could not find his car, went to the local police station to ask them to help find it

 
At April 10, 2006 12:13 AM, Blogger Metal Mark replied to my musings ...

That's actually a fairly scary story, but it is funny too.

 
At April 10, 2006 1:48 AM, Blogger Bar Bar A replied to my musings ...

It is both funny and scary but mostly funny. Needed to laugh, you always seem to provide something at the right time. Thanks!

 
At April 10, 2006 3:41 AM, Blogger Amy replied to my musings ...

That's as bad as a guy a dated once asking a cop to hold his beer while I fished his license out of his wallet... I just looked over at the cop and shook my head... he nodded back in a silent accord - and took my then-boyfriend's arse to jail. On a happier note... I got to drive around in his little flashy sports car the rest of the night without boyfriend in tow...

 
At April 10, 2006 7:40 AM, Blogger FredCQ replied to my musings ...

I know people who have done even stupider things while drinking.

 
At April 10, 2006 8:26 AM, Blogger Ben Heller replied to my musings ...

All the guy wanted was a scotch on the rocks.

 
At April 10, 2006 9:04 AM, Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen replied to my musings ...

Duh.

No...double DUH.

 
At April 10, 2006 10:23 AM, Blogger The Phoenix replied to my musings ...

I guess if you're going to drink and drive, one of the most desolate places on Earth is the place to do it. Luckily, he didn't ram his car into the side of the rocks.

"Love on the rocks...
Ain't so surprise.
Buy me some beer...
And I'll tell you no lies."

 
At April 10, 2006 10:36 AM, Blogger debbiecakes replied to my musings ...

At least the cops didn't discover him lying toe-up with a bump on his forehead from walking straight into it.

 
At April 10, 2006 12:05 PM, Blogger Mimi replied to my musings ...

Thats a big "D'oh" for when that man sobered up! But its not as bad as the man I recently read about who asked the cops if the crack he just bought was the real thing! I hope it was, or what was the idiots excuse!

 
At April 10, 2006 1:56 PM, Blogger Zen Wizard replied to my musings ...

Don't drink and drive: You might hit a bump and spill your drink!

 
At April 10, 2006 2:01 PM, Blogger Blonde Vigilante replied to my musings ...

It's also never a good idea to self-discriminate. Self-love is a good thing.

 
At April 10, 2006 3:27 PM, Blogger OnMyWatch replied to my musings ...

well that introduction got off to a 'rocky' start. you have to hand it to the guy for being boulder than most people. :)

 
At April 10, 2006 3:50 PM, Blogger angel, jr. replied to my musings ...

Sounds like a scene from a B rated spring break, coming of age teen movie.

 
At April 10, 2006 5:10 PM, Blogger Perplexio replied to my musings ...

"Be mindful of your surroundings, young Anakin."

 
At April 10, 2006 5:27 PM, Anonymous Bruce replied to my musings ...

I'm thinking Def Leppard's "Rock of Ages" was playing in the guy's cd player.

 
At April 10, 2006 5:47 PM, Blogger :P fuzzbox replied to my musings ...

That's why real men don't ask for directions.

 
At April 10, 2006 9:36 PM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

Good comments today! Onmywatch wins the pun award so far (no other challengers?) and Amy has the best personal tie-in. Blonde Vigilante -- the self-love vixen formerly known as Mac (welcome back) -- provides the best visual, and Bruce the best audio.

Angel, Jr.: He'll probably write a book about it and make loads of money.

Fuzz: You may be correct, but THIS much stubborness about directions ensures that you won't need directions to the nearest jail (gaol for the Aussies and maybe even for you, Ben).

Ben: You say he was looking for "scotch on the rocks?" What, was Ewan McGregor or Sean Connery up there?

-- david

 
At April 10, 2006 10:33 PM, Blogger :P fuzzbox replied to my musings ...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At April 11, 2006 12:34 AM, Blogger Mike replied to my musings ...

There was the time I passed out with my keys in the driver's door lock because I had to get more money to pay my bill from my car, and a State Trooper dragged me into the bar asking if anyone wanted to claim me...

 
At April 11, 2006 3:25 AM, Blogger Laurie replied to my musings ...

Just don't ask the cop to hold your beer while so you can get to your license ;-)

 
At April 11, 2006 10:19 AM, Blogger Perplexio replied to my musings ...

It also kind of reminds me of the Dialtone Delinquents on Mancow's Morning Madhouse. They called a locksmith saying they were in their car and needed the locksmith to come right away because they'd locked their keys on the outside of the car and couldn't get to them.

 
At April 11, 2006 1:29 PM, Blogger Godwhacker replied to my musings ...

Bad judgment is the hallmark of inebriation. I think back to the times when I drove, not drunk but slightly less sober then I would have liked to prevent someone even more intoxicated from driving (not a good excuse either).

 
At April 11, 2006 8:29 PM, Blogger Anhoni Patel replied to my musings ...

david you crack me up.

 
At April 12, 2006 12:23 AM, Blogger Shannon replied to my musings ...

Why does that sound familiar? lol.. It kinda sounds like something I would do.. *Sinks lower into her chair* =/

 
At April 12, 2006 5:33 PM, Blogger Jamie Dawn replied to my musings ...

Dummmb-dadumb-dumb-DUMB!

Drinking makes people either jovial idiots or mean SOBs.

I guess we know what that guy becomes when he drinks.

 
At April 12, 2006 6:31 PM, Blogger Dear Jane replied to my musings ...

what? like you people have never been so drunk that you did something STUPID?????

Personally, I think Ben's Scotch on the Rocks comment ROCKEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!! funny.

 
At April 13, 2006 7:10 AM, Blogger Curare_Z replied to my musings ...

This is an enlightened man, Amulet. After all, he did stop to ask for directions!

 
At April 13, 2006 8:04 AM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

Mike: You're leaving us hanging ... did anyone ever claim you?

Perplexio: That sounds like the kind of thing Laurie would do.

Godwhacker: The road to hell--or at least jail--is paved with good intentions!

Ahoni, Jamie, Shannon, Curare: Welcome back!

Jane: We really shouldn't be surprised; Ben is witty. Would you expect anything less from a guy posting his picture as Nigel Tufnel from Spinal Tap? (Then again, I'm posting with my get-up from The Crow, so I should just shut up.) Nice to see you venturing out again.

-- david

 
At April 13, 2006 12:09 PM, Blogger Egan replied to my musings ...

Hello, that's a funny story. It sounds like someone asking for directions to Devil's Tower in Wyoming. Thanks for sharing.

 
At April 13, 2006 6:08 PM, Blogger Crazy Dan replied to my musings ...

And thats why you don't talk to the police. Although the officer that I know would probably drive you back to the bar a chug a cold one with you.

 
At April 13, 2006 11:23 PM, Anonymous Leah replied to my musings ...

Ehhhh....it's probably not illegal to drink and drive in Aussie-land. Every Aussie I've ever met has been some of the biggest drinkers ever. I'd have to guess that they made is okay somehow.

 
At April 14, 2006 2:41 AM, Blogger Mike replied to my musings ...

I was claimed by my friends, because they needed me to pay the bill we ran up. Then one of the drunks I was with said "It's a good thing he got some sleep, eh, as he's got to drive us home!" We got a cab provided by the bar.

 
At April 21, 2006 11:26 PM, Blogger phlegmfatale replied to my musings ...

that's fantastic!

 

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