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Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Welcome to the Hotel Caloriefornia

Germany has been known for many things. Sauerkraut. Lederhosen. Nazi aggression enslaving most of Europe and threatening world peace.

Many things, indeed; this doesn’t even scratch the surface. But even a much longer list of German traits would not include “individual initiative.”

Nevertheless, Juergen Heckrodt is on to something.

The hotelier from Norden—near Germany’s border with the Netherlands—has broken new ground. One might say he’s about to become a heavy in the hospitality world. Mr. Heckrodt, you see, is making guests pay based on their weight.

It’s all from good intentions; he observed many too many grossly obese guests at his hotel and decided to give them an incentive to slim down. UK visitors, for example, could save pounds by losing pounds. Dieting Czechs could pay their hotel bills with smaller checks.

Don’t even get me started on people from Hungary.

But for German guests, this might be a struggle. Giving up weiner schnitzel and beer won’t be easy. Especially for country recently led by the immense Helmut Kohl, who reunited Germany … apparently by eating the entire East.

Chubby men and women feeling their anger rise should know: Mr. Heckrodt does not turn away those people who choose not to weigh themselves. He does not force them to take advantage of his offer, which allows slimmer guests to pay only half a euro per kilogram. He also caps overweight patrons’ room charge at 39 euros, the standard single-occupancy rate.

This is a great deal for the lean among us. In fact, there are many celebrities taking an unusual interest in the German-Danish border region. Like Kate Moss, Marc Anthony, and Keira Knightley. Rumor has it Teri Hatcher virtually lives at that hotel.

But you won’t find Hurley from “Lost” within a thousand miles of Norden.

38 Comments:

At March 21, 2006 6:12 AM, Blogger Curare_Z replied to my musings ...

I weigh myself in the dark...in my house...when my husband is NOT around. I can't imagine weighing myself in front of strangers and having they declare: "We have a winner folks. Dinner's on Curare...oh wait...dinner's IN Curare based on that weight!"

 
At March 21, 2006 7:27 AM, Blogger Ben Heller replied to my musings ...

Sounds like Stalag 13 David. Wasn't Claudia Schiffer born there ?

 
At March 21, 2006 8:02 AM, Blogger Dr. Cissa Fireheart replied to my musings ...

AUF WIEDERSEN!!!

I'd probably pass for a "normal weight" person. I'm not as slim as I oce was type slim, but I'm not testing the construction beams either by any case.

I did the math. I'd get a slight discount:

140 lbs = 63.5 kilograms
63.5 / 2 = 31.75 Euros
31.75 Euros = $26.35 per night

regular charge - 39 Euros = $32.37
SAVINGS - 7.25 Euros = $2.76

damn before I go to Germany I am gonna starve myself!!

 
At March 21, 2006 8:20 AM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

Weight is such a sensitive issue ... but this guy is giving us a real incentive to skip a meal before checking in.

Ben: Claudia never was the smartest model; only a Schiffer-brains would marry David Copperfield!

-- david

 
At March 21, 2006 9:04 AM, Blogger Perplexio replied to my musings ...

David, this past weekend my father-in-law recently showed me a book his father had acquired when liberating Germany with the British Army back in WWII. It was a guest book used for Nazi parties... The first signature in the book... Heinrich Himmler. 2nd only to Hitler in the Third Reich. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end as I touched it.

 
At March 21, 2006 9:27 AM, Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen replied to my musings ...

I always pee before I weigh myself. And I have to be completely naked when I do it (weigh myself, that is....not pee).

They have a room I can do all that in before I step on the scale??? :)

 
At March 21, 2006 9:30 AM, Blogger The Phoenix replied to my musings ...

I heard the restaurant next door charges people according to the whiteness of the customers' teeth. The whiter, the less you pay for your meal.

Maybe they should also do genetic testing and let those with superior genes get even more discounts.

 
At March 21, 2006 10:02 AM, Blogger Perplexio replied to my musings ...

If sales start to fall he could put in an all you can eat buffet near the lobby to try to up the weights of some of the hotel guests.

 
At March 21, 2006 10:59 AM, Blogger none - ya replied to my musings ...

You weigh less in the morning righ when you wake up. That is all.

 
At March 21, 2006 11:30 AM, Blogger Mimi replied to my musings ...

I read this story too. Quite entertaining! I wonder if airlines are gonna take this route too?

 
At March 21, 2006 1:15 PM, Blogger debbiecakes replied to my musings ...

Thanks for that insightful report, Jon Stewart of the Blogger World.

And thanks for acknowledging ME for bestowing that title onto you, a guy dressed as The Crow. You know, cause I'm such a freaking genius and all the people be trying to steal my good idea mojo.

And one day, remind me to tell you about my college roomate who was obsessed with Jason Lee, The Crow, and her ex-boyfriend who resembled him/them.

Anyway.

I fear that soon you'll be reporting that the fat Americans will sue this guy for overcharging just about anyone (who isn't the forementioned underweight celebrity) wanting to stay there.

This country's got a big ass.

 
At March 21, 2006 2:12 PM, Blogger DanjerusKurves replied to my musings ...

I'm originally from England, live in the States (Houston), and visited Germany in the summer of 2004. What all that has to do with anything, I don't know. However, I have to say that the Germans were in remarkably good shape considering their cuisine... and that I did not gain a pound despite my unseemly gluttony. Everybody assumed it was because we walked everywhere, but not so! ... Hm, I could have sworn I had some kind of a point when I started typing this comment ...

 
At March 21, 2006 2:49 PM, Blogger Jay replied to my musings ...

Wow, that sounds like a surprisingly bad idea.

 
At March 21, 2006 4:18 PM, Blogger Jamie Dawn replied to my musings ...

Would he be willing to figure my bill based on the weight on my driver's license?

I hear Star Jones used to avoid that hotel like the plague.
Now, she strolls in there like she owns the place.

 
At March 21, 2006 4:31 PM, Blogger Kip replied to my musings ...

I'm breathing in as I type! you have a great site David

 
At March 21, 2006 5:51 PM, Blogger dragonflyfilly replied to my musings ...

saw you on dr. dork's blog, and was interested in the photo -luv it, reminds me of one of those guys in the KIA commercial...but as for Herr Heckrodt, well, i dunno, i shant be going to his establishment any time soon!

interesting Blog tho'

cheers for now,
pj

 
At March 21, 2006 5:52 PM, Blogger dragonflyfilly replied to my musings ...

p.s. by the way, is this the hotel California where you can "check in but never leave"????

 
At March 21, 2006 6:11 PM, Blogger Perplexio replied to my musings ...

dragonflyfilly - Actually I think at this particular Hotel it's more "You can order take-out any time you like, but you'll REALLY pay before you leave!"

 
At March 21, 2006 6:27 PM, Blogger ChickyBabe replied to my musings ...

Unusual concept, it's like saying your flight luggage allowance based on your weight. Smaller, lighter people could be allowed more because they weigh less!

 
At March 21, 2006 7:17 PM, Blogger Amy replied to my musings ...

OH hell... bad move on his part... Nicole Ritchie is well on her way to imploding... bursting into a fine dust of dry bone - then this poor fellow will have to PAY HER...

I, on the other hand, follow the Jack Sprat mentality... I'll never receive a check from him... oh well. and etc.

 
At March 21, 2006 8:13 PM, Anonymous Leah replied to my musings ...

I'm constantly amazed at your punditry.

 
At March 21, 2006 8:49 PM, Blogger angel, jr. replied to my musings ...

Whenever I think of German chubby, I think of August Gloop--from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

 
At March 21, 2006 9:42 PM, Blogger siren replied to my musings ...

I think the Helmut Kohl remark may be the funniest thing I've read this week :)

 
At March 21, 2006 9:57 PM, Blogger OnMyWatch replied to my musings ...

you are brilliant - especially loved the above remark about Schiffer-brains. :)

 
At March 22, 2006 12:40 AM, Blogger fatty ~ replied to my musings ...

i have heard people say that it should be the direction of airline ticket prices. And seat size.

We could all be weighed - body, luggage and all before we board to determine how much we contribute to the overall load (and therefore how much fuel with use up) and american airlines could charge more for larger seats =P

i'd be paying 20something Euros at this hotel! woohoo!

 
At March 22, 2006 3:08 AM, Blogger :P fuzzbox replied to my musings ...

I do not know why everyone is so down on this guy. He is obviously just passing on the cost of having to supersize the beds.

 
At March 22, 2006 8:54 AM, Blogger jay lassiter replied to my musings ...

I read this and this is the image i see in my mind:
I have zum gut news UND zum bad mews....
Zee gut iz you are going to zee finest hotel in all of Geeeermany....
Und zee bad news is, you are going as soap.
P.s. Ich bin ein Jellydonut.

 
At March 22, 2006 9:23 AM, Blogger The Phoenix replied to my musings ...

So, does Calista Flockhart actually get money for staying there?

 
At March 22, 2006 10:28 AM, Blogger BrianAlt replied to my musings ...

Hey! I'm working on it. Don't put so much pressure on me!

 
At March 22, 2006 10:56 AM, Blogger none - ya replied to my musings ...

Who knew that hip/rib bones showing would equal a coupon one day. Who knew?

 
At March 22, 2006 11:02 AM, Blogger phlegmfatale replied to my musings ...

Wow, what a bizarre story!

Oh - you're in my blogroll now, hon.

 
At March 22, 2006 1:05 PM, Blogger Will replied to my musings ...

Big fan of this blog (clicked over from Ben's) ... my first comment:

Fascinating story. Not sure how I feel. How far does the incentive go? Free stay for the Lindsay Lohans of the world? They should do a Sopranos where Tony tries to stay there.

 
At March 22, 2006 1:10 PM, Blogger Zelda replied to my musings ...

Not that I condone obesity, but don't the obese have it hard enough with having to pay for extra seats on planes and extra material in clothes? They use the same room and bed as the thin people, but they have to pay more anyway? It just doesn't seem fair.

I like your blog and I see phlegmmy is here too. That can only mean good things.

 
At March 22, 2006 8:57 PM, Blogger Liz replied to my musings ...

Although probaby meant to be nice, it still seems humiliating. But I jump on the scales for a cheeper bill.

 
At March 22, 2006 9:25 PM, Blogger LostInTX replied to my musings ...

sI'd go to a spa first, loose all the water weight in the sauna and THEN jump on the scale. Anything to save a few bucks.. which I could later use to eat some pommes frites with mayo (when in rome..)

 
At March 22, 2006 9:29 PM, Blogger COMMENT_POLICE replied to my musings ...

SIR I SMELL PUNS ON YOUR TYPE!
I'M GOING TO HAVE TO ISSUE A CITATION FOR OPPERATING UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF PUNS! AND BLANTENT ADVERTISING FOR THE SHOW LOST... ONE MORE CITATION AND WELL HAVE TO BRING YOU IN...
-COMMENT POLICE

 
At March 22, 2006 10:55 PM, Blogger dragonflyfilly replied to my musings ...

well, the Crow costume is amazing, you even have the stance right on!
looking forward to a new post...i will have another in a day or so also,
cheers for now,
pj

 
At March 23, 2006 5:58 AM, Blogger An80sNut replied to my musings ...

Although it's discrimination, I like someone testing the water like that. I wonder how long it will last though.

 

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