Like a Good Neighbor, Big Brother Is There
It is the defining question of every community across the land, maybe the core issue facing American society.
How do we get people to stop parking cars in their front lawns?
One approach is simple: Ask the owners to move the vehicles. If you’re feeling a bit more aggressive, fines can be levied against violators to “encourage” action. Local governments could just tow the cars away without warning.
Authorities in Manassas Park, Virginia, are employing a less direct approach. Sneaky, actually.
It is a covert operation that would make James Bond proud: Officials are giving children coloring books. Special ones.
That’s because these coloring books—titled “Being a Good Neighbor”—contain messages against overcrowded houses, outdoor furniture, and uncut grass. And yes, they let kids know that leaving cars on your lawn just isn’t nice.
The book’s critics claim it targets new immigrants and manipulates children. Its creators, on the other hand, say it helps inform families about the need to clean up their property and display good citizenship. Consider the book’s seek-and-find, a case study in neighborly terms like “zoning,” “overcrowding,” and “inspections.”
You might not be surprised that this gives me some ideas on other ways to promote citizenship.
Public Punishment. Let’s bring back the scarlet letter, the whipping post, and the guillotine. For every couch on your porch, it’s two lashings. A car on the lawn gets you tarred and feathered. Tie up gimps in your basement for fun? You’ll be burned at the stake.
Town Hall Hypnotism. Gather everyone together in a big auditorium and give them subliminal orders to behave. What better way to train a community to treat each other nicely than to have them do it unconsciously?
Tag, You’re It. The best citizens can obtain the ultimate reward—political office. Think of the benefits: expense accounts … job-for-life incumbency … supple and willing young interns. You even get to come up with loony ideas to test on the general public.
Like good neighbor coloring books.
posted by David Amulet @ 9:01 PM
31 wisecracks
31 Comments:
Or you could bring back stoning ... Ok, that's a bad idea, better stick to brainwashing with coloring books. When you live in the city, you forget what people like to do with their front lawns.
This is a blatant case of redneck profiling...
do all this and convince them its all in the name of civil liberties... and your set! An instant US government!
i know thats harsh - bite me
*Giving children coloring books teaching them how bad parking cars on the lawn is...*
Well, that makes a lot of sense since it's these damn little kids that are constantly parking their rusted out jalopies on people's front lawns.
Is it wrong of me to wish I had one of those coloring books?
Where I live it's more a question of who has curtains on the windows? who has sheets? tinfoil? newspapers....
Wouldn't it be interesting to know how much they spent on the little brother initiative?
Does the coloring book include how to keep your dog from shitting on my lawn?
Growing up I had neighbors who would build a shed out of any scrap wood they could find. They once had about eight sheds on two acres of land and every single shed was crooked.
My pet peeve is littering!!!
Something so simple, yet people don't have the common sense to do it.
There is no exuse for it. In parks, homes, median strips in the highway, roads, lakes, etc.. etc...
PUT THE DAMN TRASH IN A TRASH CONTAINER!!
If not, I say we stick the accused in a big smelly loaded dumpster for 48 hours, to let the trash really sink in their skin.
What would someone get for letting their damn dogs roam all over the neighborhood???
I know!!! Collect their poop and pelt the owners with it!
Sounds like a surefire cure to me! I'll have to try that....;)
Kinda reminds me of Reefer Madness or those other 50s movies that they would show kids about manners. You know the ones?
fredcq: you make he laugh!
David: Honestly the townhall hypnosis is really funny at *first blush* but given the radical nature of the government, it cuts a bit too close to the bone to amuse.
Of course, he we could get different hypnotists..............
Coloring books? How about just letting Barney sing a song about it, or the Backyardigans singing a song about how they can't prance around anymore because they are stuck under a tire.
You know, the DARE program kind of does the same thing... they sneakily attack the bad habits of parents by telling the children the way they think life should be lived. I don't do drugs, I never have, but I smoked cigarettes for many years. Once my kid got into the DARE program, I had to quit because he just wouldn't stop telling me how wrong it was. I either had to stop smoking or I was going to have to put tape over his mouth to shut him up. No kidding. Drove me crazy.
This coloring book thing will work the same way. Kids will be asking mommy and daddy to tape their finished artwork on the frig and then it will be staring them in the face everyday, encouraging them to move the damn cars and trash out of the yard. Never underestimate the power of propaganda.
"Don't suspect a friend - report them!"
Sometimes being a good neighbor means minding your own business. Politics is ever the home of busybody moralists who's hobby is running other people's lives.
I agree with Mimi: These are some damn creative ideas. Very, er ... colorful.
I especially enjoy, perhaps too much, the idea of putting litterers into dumpsters. I want to start an underground group a la Fight Club just for that purpose.
And Jacquie, I must tip my hat to you. I really should have titled this piece "Little Brother is Watching You."
-- david
David-
Your "Public Punishment" ideas are the best. In History class, I was always fascinated with the old-fashioned torturing methods.
I want to find out who came up with the Tar & Feathering. That's just fucking nuts....But I'd give a thumbs up for "wacky-ness" and "major off-beat creativity".
deb
I like the "tag, you're it" idea, David. Considering the "hive of scum and villainy" (my favorite Star Wars termw) e currently have representing us in Washington, getting Joe Everyday American in office for being a good citizen would only serve to be an improvement over the current disaster we have passing for a legislative body in Washington.
I honestly think the president (whether it be Bush, Reagan, Clinton or whomever) gets far too much of the blame for the mess our country is in at any given time-- Congress is just as guilty, if not moreso. But it's much easier to have a single face to place the blame on, I s'pose.
Well anyway, here's to hoping that maybe something real might actually come of your "tag, you're it" idea.
I like the fact that the children are given the coloring books yet the parents feel it is directed at them. Sure, it's subtly done so the children ask the parents why they do things the way they do but kids do that all the time anyhow. Now if we can keep the neighbors from painting their houses pastel colors.
an80snut: But c'mon pastel colored houses aren't THAT bad... after all if not for Pink Houses, what would John Cougar Mellancamp write songs about? And what about The Band? Music From Big Beige or Music From Big White just doesn't have the same ring to it as Music From Big Pink.
I want the job of writing citations to the lawbreakers, and you get the job of doling out the public humiliation & punishment. What FUN we will have!!
I really like the mass hypnotize thing. Please have the masses unconsciously leave expensive gifts on my porch. Thanks.
Personal update:
We had a whirlwind of a weekend. The 50th anniversary for my inlaws went wonderfully. It was a lot of work, and Courtney's media presentation she made for them made everyone at the dinner party cry. There were about 125 people who attended and we had to set up and then clean up afterwards. Lots of work! But worth it.
Courtney is doing well. She had sinus surgery yesterday. She is home with a drippy, bloody nose, and popping pain pills. She's a trooper, and will be fully recovered in about ten days.
I'm busy visiting all my blog friends, and I have some catching up to do. I will have a new post at my place on Wednesday.
for all those idiots who waste water with dripping taps and sprinkles - i say japanese water torture.
A silent soundproof room room, strapped to the table, with a constant drip hitting your forhead for hours and hours.
[then make them wash/drink that water to conserve and recycle]
WOW! I was here when you first posted this and had no comments and didn't want to be the first one. I am glad I waited cause there's some funny stuff in these comments! And the best part, now I don't have to come up with anything witty to say.
I love colouring books! And I'm a sucky neighbour!
For all of this it seems to me that coloring books are the least invasive government action. They come with no penalties. They give kids something to do. You can line your bird cage with them. You can burn your garbage in the back yard and use them to light the fire.
It sure beats puttiung me in jail. The car stays and thats that.
Having lived for twenty months in a Manassas Park, VA HOA-sanctioned, monthly dues-collected, Stepford $1/2M - $3/4M neighborhood, where I was a minority because most of the people in the neighborhood with enough $$$$ to own the houses were Asian and Middle Eastern, with a few African-Americans and Europeans mixed in, all working in D.C. in super-secret government jobs with high-level security clearance, I can attest to understanding exactly what you're talking about. The only time we ever saw Hispanics in the neighborhood was when someone was having lawn work done (and that is, in no way, a racist remark - just a simple fact).
I'm NOT surprised to hear this at all. Manassas Park *tried* to pretend that they were an exclusive city, but there were only "pockets" of wealthy housing neighborhoods. Most of the city was middle to lower class areas. There were a lot of places I wouldn't drive at night without locking all of my doors and carrying my .38 or 9mm with no qualms about using it.
Just because they have a few 'upscale' neighborhoods doesn't mean they can simply 'erase' the rest of the residents from the population! Trying to change the parents by shaming the kids really isn't the way to do it!!
I would imagine those children do not keep it between the lines with their coloring. :)
Supple and willing interns! Sign me up.
I love all the ideas, but Siren's really gets me. Imagine a coloring book dedicated to why it's not a good idea to marry family members. The deformities alone would be fun to color using my favorite crayons, periwinkle and cornflower.
-- david
I'm not so much for the scarlet letter or the guillotine. But the whipping post.....
the youth will be rebellious so long as they've been taught to live constricted by rules and regulations.
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