Maid in the Shade
Wouldn’t life be easy if you hung out with the rich and famous? Surely you have thought about it at least once, maybe twice … perhaps 12,384 times.
It’s only natural to daydream. To picture yourself living the high life—rubbing elbows with celebrities, dancing with the stars. You know, walking a mile in their shoes.
Or just stealing them.
Being close to the elite, you see, presents opportunities. And if you are a premier maid like this woman in New York, you use that opportunity to steal celebrities’ clothes, cameras, jewelry, and anything else you can get your hands on.
The 35-year-old maid pleaded guilty this week to grand larceny, as well as forgery and identity theft. She admitted using her housekeeping job to grab her clients’ little goodies, ranging from Candice Bergen’s leather jacket to Robert DeNiro’s wife’s earrings—which, by the way, were only worth $95,500.
Celebrities from the 1970s haven’t been screwed this much since Warren Beatty finally settled down with Annette Benning.
It would not surprise anyone to find that in addition to failing as a thief, this woman probably lacked skill as a maid. Perhaps she didn’t make beds. Left floors unmopped. Neglected toilet bowls.
Maybe her clients noticed a recurrent inability to dust behind the lamps. Take out the trash. Polish the crystal.
In fact, rumor has it that Bill Gates fired the same woman last year after her very first visit to the Microsoft founder’s home. His complaint?
She wouldn’t do Windows.