Maid in the Shade
Wouldn’t life be easy if you hung out with the rich and famous? Surely you have thought about it at least once, maybe twice … perhaps 12,384 times.
It’s only natural to daydream. To picture yourself living the high life—rubbing elbows with celebrities, dancing with the stars. You know, walking a mile in their shoes.
Or just stealing them.
Being close to the elite, you see, presents opportunities. And if you are a premier maid like this woman in New York, you use that opportunity to steal celebrities’ clothes, cameras, jewelry, and anything else you can get your hands on.
The 35-year-old maid pleaded guilty this week to grand larceny, as well as forgery and identity theft. She admitted using her housekeeping job to grab her clients’ little goodies, ranging from Candice Bergen’s leather jacket to Robert DeNiro’s wife’s earrings—which, by the way, were only worth $95,500.
Celebrities from the 1970s haven’t been screwed this much since Warren Beatty finally settled down with Annette Benning.
It would not surprise anyone to find that in addition to failing as a thief, this woman probably lacked skill as a maid. Perhaps she didn’t make beds. Left floors unmopped. Neglected toilet bowls.
Maybe her clients noticed a recurrent inability to dust behind the lamps. Take out the trash. Polish the crystal.
In fact, rumor has it that Bill Gates fired the same woman last year after her very first visit to the Microsoft founder’s home. His complaint?
She wouldn’t do Windows.
posted by David Amulet @ 5:41 AM
19 wisecracks
19 Comments:
I don't think that I could get crazed about celebrity's jewelry, clothing or other personal goodies. Hobnobbing, sure but wearing their stuff... no. But seeing as she wasn't good at the job in the first place, I'd expect some of that wound up on eBay.
She stole her shoes too. Who in the hell steals shoes? They will probably not be able to deport her without protest from the Foot Fetish Activists.
How can this woman with 11 letters in her name only contain three vowels?
I bet if she had actually cleaned, it would've taken much longer for her to get caught.
A pair of earrings that could buy my house. Unreal.
I cannot imagine having so much money, I could blow over 95 grand on a stinkin' pair of earrings.
Hmmm...maybe I need a second income...I can do the whole "maid" thing...I do it at home all the damn time! ;)
Greed and stupidity is a bad combination.
BTW liked the windows line :-)
Ba-dum-bump.
Thank you, you'll be here all week.
Funny post, nice closer. It is insane the amount of celebrity greed. Case in point? The "gift baskets" that contain 10-10 grand worth of stuff given to the stars (who already make millions) for showing up at a party.
Sar: I know that pisses me off so much all that free stuff they get just for being a star, if the companies spent less on sucking up to stars then perhaps they would be able to lower the prices for us meer mortals.
As for the shoes, I would never wear used uses, but perhaps she was going to flog them on e-bay.
haha! Very funny. If i were a celebrity I'd be waaaay too paranoid to have a maid or any staff at all. I'd have to employ my parents to do all the shit stuff. ha!
it serves rich people right. they should clean their own damned homes. i have to clean mine....
so call me a communist!
Love the line about Bill Gates' maid!! LOL
"Lucyna Turyk-Wawrynowicz, 35, a native of Poland, ... an illegal alien, ... admitted, through a Polish interpreter ..."
Okay, this pretty much sums it up for me right here. The celebs were hiring an illegal, the woman didn't speak English (or very little), and after her jail term on theft, forgery, et al., she will be deported back to Poland as an illegal alien.
Are any of the celebs going to be prosecuted for hiring an illegal alien as a housekeeper? I'm sure they weren't holding out taxes and social security on her since she wasn't a citizen. Are they being investigated for how she was being paid her wages? I'm sure they're not.
Another case of how the laws apply differently to those with money, and those without.
I don't really care about reading Celebrity Magazines, much less wanting to hang out with any of them. My friends are good enough for me.
"Who steals shoes?"
I was working at a hotel in Beverly Hills once when somebody stole some display shoes out of a locked glass cabinet in the lobby.
(They were $800 shoes. It was the Eighties, so that was a lot back then.)
We make fun of celebrities for being so cloistered, clique'y and paranoid, and then you see stuff like this--and for every two criminals caught, 8 are not prosecuted for whatever reason.
Sometimes, I'm sure, the celebrities are too embarrassed to report the crimes for one thing.
We have the best janitors in this building, knock on wood. I leave some really expensive $h!t out all the time 'cause I am so absent minded, and I ain't missin' $h!T!!!
The janitors are all immigrants, so I am sure it pisses them off when they see this stuff.
Of our seven employees, one is Puerto Rican and one is Cuban - both are our best employees - hard-working, diligent, and eager to advance.
Again, the celebs should accept responsibility for situations such as this. If they are going to have someone in their house, around their things, they should make sure they are 'bonded', legal citizens, etc. I have nothing against minorities or foreigners at all - I simply believe you need to hire qualified service staff, regardless of race or ethic background. If not, well, ...
I'm not some loaded celeb, but ... when I hire anyone to work in my home - a maid, a repair person, etc., one of the requirements is that they are licensed and bonded. Everyone is human and may be tempted by something that catches their fancy.
The same when showing a house for sale. I've heard horror stories of people who have had jewelry, small items, etc. stolen while their houses are being shown by realtors while it is on the market. When our houses have been listed, I make sure that easily pocketed items (jewelry, etc.) are stashed in lockboxes or a safe.
Better safe than sorry after the fact!
I've worked with the rich and famous ~ its no big whoop.
Wow, brings new meaning to cleaning house indeed. Funny post!
This is one of those cases, as you all note, that makes you think about many things--from wealth to celebrity to washing windows. I guess the main point, which Siren's blog points out all too clearly, is that crime usually doesn't pay.
Another post soon ...
-- david
It’s a shame that there are people who steal from their high-profile clients, but this shouldn’t dampen the idea of hiring professional cleaners. These cleaners are hired for their skills by people who don’t really have the time to do their own cleaning. If people are still worried about their valuables, perhaps it would be best to hide them in places that the cleaners won’t or can’t touch. It would definitely lessen the risk of anything getting stolen, and it also takes away the temptation for people to steal them.
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