Claw Enforcement

During every election year, politicians clamor to be the “law and order” candidate. They want to demonstrate their hard-nosed approach to justice, appear as law enforcement’s best friend, and prove they are tougher on crime than their opponents.

One-upmanship abounds as they propose more secure prisons, harsher sentences, and expanded police patrols. But they leave out much more cost-effective ways to stop crime in its tracks.

Like simply saying “no.”

According to this report, a woman at Rocky’s Mini Mart in Hesperia, California recently deterred an armed robber simply by rejecting his demand for cash. She told him that she couldn’t give him the money, and he just walked right out of the store, no harm done.

Just consider the implications. If a potential arsonist swings by your place, you just say “no,” and she goes away. If a would-be murderer comes at you with a knife, you just say “no,” and he goes away. If bloggers close in to attack you for denigrating John Denver and the Muppets, you just say “no,” and they go away.

Many of you are probably thinking, though, that you don’t want to become known as a negative person. You might be asking … isn’t there another way to clip criminals’ wings?

Well, your attitude is for the birds. Seriously—it’s for the birds.

Because it turns out our feathered friends are the last great hope against crime, according to this story out of Pennsylvania. Last month, a macaw there took offense at an intruder. In a big way. It clawed at him, screeched loudly enough for neighbors to hear, and chomped hard enough into the burglar to leave a nasty wound.

It’s only a matter of time before a politician realizes the potential of the talented—and apparently rather territorial—macaw. It won’t be long before a candidate proposes adding the birds to police departments across the country.

At first, police organizations will squawk. Political opponents will cry fowl. But eventually other candidates will parrot the proposal.

And the idea will fly.