Might As Well Jump

We heard the rumors about Diamond Dave. And let’s be honest—we had mixed feelings.

Would it be funny, or just sad? Would this be a comeback, or simply a pathetic last step into post-Van Halen obscurity? Can a diamond truly rust?

Well, according to Roger Friedman of Fox News, it’s official—David Lee Roth will replace Howard Stern on Infinity Broadcasting when he moves to satellite in a few months. The rumors, this time, appear to have some truth behind them.

Although talk of The Roth playing some role with Infinity next year has been making the rounds for quite a while, we had been told that no one person would replace Howard.

I can see that; it would take several dreadful hosts to bore me as much as this pompous ass. This is the man, after all, who declared himself the “King of All Media,” despite the fact that his television presence is less prominent than Luis Guzman, his movie career has not exactly gone into orbit, and his musical offerings have been … well, they HAVEN’T been. What other media is he talking about: the voices in his own head telling him how great he is?

But I have already devoted more words to Howard than he deserves. Let us instead focus on Dave, who Friedman says will, in fact, be Stern’s replacement. In the late 70s and early 80s, he was a God. The man screamed, flipped, and pranced his way into the small circle of Legendary Front Men.

Not to mention into the panties of a few thousand groupies.

Can Dave be a good DJ? I have not heard his voice over the radio myself, but sources tell me that he has spent some time on the airwaves in the past couple of years and has not embarrassed himself. (Then again, this is the guy who performed the song “Hot Dog and a Shake,” so embarrassment really is not a deal-breaker.)

Despite my guilt in saying so, I hope he succeeds. In fact, maybe he can start a trend, spawning profitable and non-emasculating second careers for 80s rock stars. After all, a typical evening at a reunion concert ends with lament that these guys did not choose the noble course and try a new occupation.

Like real estate. Or used car sales. Perhaps TV/VCR repair.

If David Lee Roth can make this work, it will be the second time he has led men of his generation into a brave new world. Sure, this job is less exciting than fronting one of the all-time best hard rock bands ... but it does have one big advantage.

It keeps the 51 year-old Roth from strutting around in spandex again. So, please, join me in wishing Dave great success—behind the mike, where we cannot see him.