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Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Might As Well Jump

We heard the rumors about Diamond Dave. And let’s be honest—we had mixed feelings.

Would it be funny, or just sad? Would this be a comeback, or simply a pathetic last step into post-Van Halen obscurity? Can a diamond truly rust?

Well, according to Roger Friedman of Fox News, it’s official—David Lee Roth will replace Howard Stern on Infinity Broadcasting when he moves to satellite in a few months. The rumors, this time, appear to have some truth behind them.

Although talk of The Roth playing some role with Infinity next year has been making the rounds for quite a while, we had been told that no one person would replace Howard.

I can see that; it would take several dreadful hosts to bore me as much as this pompous ass. This is the man, after all, who declared himself the “King of All Media,” despite the fact that his television presence is less prominent than Luis Guzman, his movie career has not exactly gone into orbit, and his musical offerings have been … well, they HAVEN’T been. What other media is he talking about: the voices in his own head telling him how great he is?

But I have already devoted more words to Howard than he deserves. Let us instead focus on Dave, who Friedman says will, in fact, be Stern’s replacement. In the late 70s and early 80s, he was a God. The man screamed, flipped, and pranced his way into the small circle of Legendary Front Men.

Not to mention into the panties of a few thousand groupies.

Can Dave be a good DJ? I have not heard his voice over the radio myself, but sources tell me that he has spent some time on the airwaves in the past couple of years and has not embarrassed himself. (Then again, this is the guy who performed the song “Hot Dog and a Shake,” so embarrassment really is not a deal-breaker.)

Despite my guilt in saying so, I hope he succeeds. In fact, maybe he can start a trend, spawning profitable and non-emasculating second careers for 80s rock stars. After all, a typical evening at a reunion concert ends with lament that these guys did not choose the noble course and try a new occupation.

Like real estate. Or used car sales. Perhaps TV/VCR repair.

If David Lee Roth can make this work, it will be the second time he has led men of his generation into a brave new world. Sure, this job is less exciting than fronting one of the all-time best hard rock bands ... but it does have one big advantage.

It keeps the 51 year-old Roth from strutting around in spandex again. So, please, join me in wishing Dave great success—behind the mike, where we cannot see him.

9 Comments:

At October 12, 2005 3:58 AM, Blogger jUggernaut replied to my musings ...

Go Diamond Dave. Definitely best kept out of sight. Spandex should be outlawed. Except perhaps on the slender of the fairer gender. I couldn't agree more about Stern. Thank God someone's replacing him.

I love your blog. Witty writing and great thoughts. Thanks for sharing.

 
At October 13, 2005 7:19 AM, Blogger DLAK replied to my musings ...

Hey bud, I saw the David Lee Roth solo band 3 times before Steve Vai and Billy Sheehan left the band and they were some of the greatest heavy metal shows I ever saw. That band fucking rocked! Then I saw him (David) play at a county fair with some bad garage band and it sucked BAD. The guitarist could not dream of playing Eddy or Steve so he skipped entire solo's, lol
anyway Howard Stern sucks shit, he's a one trick pony and the trick got boring a long time ago...
your linked.

 
At October 13, 2005 1:52 PM, Blogger The Phoenix replied to my musings ...

Have you seen Diamond Dave lately? He looks like he's been run over by a whole gang of Jewish scooterists.

Talk about rough.

Howard Stern is a one-dimensional idiot. I don't wanna hear about how small his penis is. Wah wah wah! Poor baby.

 
At October 13, 2005 8:44 PM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

David Lee Roth's solo band was one of the most outstanding set of hard rock musicians from the 80s. Too bad he couldn't keep Billy Sheehan and Steve Vai, who both got annoyed with Dave's antics (and, in Billy's case, the terrible mixing of the bass on "Skyscraper").

We all seem to agree--we're better off with Roth than Stern, but that's like saying we're better off with Rita than Katrina.

-- d.a.

 
At October 14, 2005 12:13 PM, Blogger :P fuzzbox replied to my musings ...

Wonder what he will use as a themesong. I would opt for "Just a Gigalo". It has that snappy tempo for a morning show and would be a transition from the limp manho Stern.

 
At October 14, 2005 10:52 PM, Blogger .: raven :. replied to my musings ...

i hate howard stern

as far as DLR ... last time i saw him he had short hair and looked like hell .. but more recently the last i heard of him he was studying to become an EMT in NYC. seriously ...

there were reports that some people would recognize him and he would say that he really just wanted to take the job seriously and wasn't about "show bizness" anymore.

ha

 
At October 16, 2005 2:15 PM, Blogger Dear Jane replied to my musings ...

Thanks for stopping by my blog. Glad it could make you laugh. My life does sound like a joke (to other people, not me).

I cannot picture David Lee Roth as a talk show host, but I couldn't picture half the other losers that have their own radio and/or tv show either.

 
At October 28, 2005 11:56 PM, Blogger ObilonKenobi replied to my musings ...

David Lee Roth is a has been. He was great, legendary with Van Halen. I had the opportunity to see him live after he left the band on his solo outings and he rocked. He was a visual performer. His voice and attitude kinda get grating after a while. No thanks. I don't think I wil tune to David Lee Roth.

 
At November 11, 2006 6:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous replied to my musings ...

I just wanted to say that Howard Stern Rules! I think David had some vaginal fluid on this brain.

Bonnie Pingler

 

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