Wednesday, September 07, 2005

The 25 Greatest Hair Metal Albums of the 1980s

Self-control is hard.

For months, I have resisted the urge to post “best of” lists for everyone to agree or disagree with. The top movies of the 1980s. The best rock singers of all time. The most important books of the new millennium.

I shall resist no longer.

Tonight, I present the first of my lists for your respect and ridicule, your yays and nays, your cheers and jeers.

Note #1: I will not include bands that sported big coifs in the 80s but were not really “hair bands” for most of their career. No Van Halen, Iron Maiden, Ozzy, Rush, Judas Priest, Aerosmith, or even Guns N’ Roses; wait for the top metal/hard rock list.

Note #2: I will not include any albums from any bands that come to mind simply BECAUSE they had big hair—you will not see Faster Pussycat here even though the band’s BHQ (Big Hair Quotient) far exceeded Tesla’s.

Note #3: “Greatest” means the CDs within the genre that I most often blast in the car, pull up on my iPod, or just have happy thoughts about—sorry, Bon Jovi and Poison fans. And if the album spurred other bands to make good stuff, it gets bonus points.

Now, without further ado, the greatest 25 albums from 80s hair metal:

25. Winger, Winger
24. Warrant, Dirty Rotten Filthy Stinking Rich
23. White Lion, Pride
22. Cinderella, Long Cold Winter
21. Ratt, Dancing Undercover
20. Kiss, Animalize
19. Dokken, Breaking the Chains
18. Def Leppard, Hysteria
17. Skid Row, Slave to the Grind
16. Bulletboys, Bulletboys
15. Def Leppard, High ‘n’ Dry
14. Mötley Crüe, Shout at the Devil
13. Ratt, Invasion of Your Privacy
12. Kiss, Asylum
11. Tesla, The Great Radio Controversy
10. Whitesnake, Whitesnake
9. Slaughter, Stick It To Ya
8. Skid Row, Skid Row
7. Cinderella, Night Songs
6. Mötley Crüe, Too Fast for Love
5. Ace Frehley, Frehley’s Comet
4. Dokken, Tooth and Nail
3. Tesla, Mechanical Resonance
2. Ratt, Out of the Cellar
1. Def Leppard, Pyromania

That's my list, at least as of today, submitted for your consideration.

Rock on.


At September 07, 2005 12:25 PM, Blogger ArchPundit replied to my musings ...

I thought Ipods refused to play any of the above?

At September 07, 2005 1:00 PM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

No, you are mistaken, my friend ... iPods LOVE the 80s music.

But they do refuse to play Howard Dean's scream from '04. Apparently a safety chip in the 60GB iPod cuts it off--saving listeners from the years of therapy that follow the horror of that maniacal yelp so close to one's brain.



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