Tuesday, August 23, 2005

US Television: Falling into Enemy Hands?

When it comes to TV, my only regular programs are We Are the 80s and Metal Mania on VH-1 Classic. And this spring, I must admit, I got sucked into the show “Lost.”

Other countries, I hear, have quality programming. They say “The Office” started as a British show. Canadian broadcasting puts on entertaining and informative material, so they say … but I find that hard to believe.

Regardless, I do not watch much television. Yet I am always fascinated by the networks’ slate of new shows for the fall TV lineup.

So as a public service I hereby offer my uninformed initial thoughts on a few of the potential gems we will be seeing (at least for a few episodes before cancellation) next month.

On UPN, we will get a Melrose-like soap called “Sex, Love and Secrets.” Subtle. I have not seen much about this show, but I suspect it will be a family drama about honesty, chastity, and platonic love.

Positive: There just is not enough sleaze on television; this winner will bring balance back to the medium.

Negative: They might think it is “cute” to bring Andrew Shue back to prime time. I think he went to Dartmouth—isn’t that awfully close to Canada?

Fox will bring us “Head Cases,” about a young hotshot attorney who returns to the bar after a nervous breakdown only to find that his former colleagues are not interested in his services any longer. So, naturally, he teams up with a mentally unstable partner and entertainment ensues.

Positive: Star Chris O’Donnell may be too busy with this show to be drawn into reprising his role as Robin in the Batman movies.

Negative: He may be the first TV lawyer to wear a mask and Technicolor tights. And he looks Canadian.

One that I have seen ads for is ABC’s “Commander-in-Chief,” with Geena Davis playing a vice president who ascends to the Oval Office. We all hope that her new role will not do to television what her embarrassing leads in “Earth Girls Are Easy” and “Cutthroat Island” did to theaters across America. Phew.

Positive: A White House drama may be a good thing, especially because “The West Wing” is starting to get that stale cracker taste.

Negative: Davis’ name on the show is “Mackenzie Allen,” which sounds oddly Canadian.

All this is only serving to reignite my paranoid fear that our neighbors to the north are secretly infiltrating our country’s political leadership and media elite (probably according to the secret battle plan, “Yukon Storm.”)

As you know, Canada-born Peter Jennings recently died. That must mean something. And Bryan Adams IS touring our country right now.

Scary, I know.

So this fall, you all watch these American TV shows and feed me any evidence of the Canuck advance. I’ll be remaining vigilant for any signs of a remake of “Northern Exposure.”


At August 24, 2005 12:19 AM, Blogger Tom replied to my musings ...

All this Canadarama... and the NHL is coming back too!


Here's the real kicker: Bryan Adams is not only touring our country, he played a free concert in Philadelphia on the 4th of July! There's nothing more American than that! The infiltration is much worse than we thought! (Ok, Elton John was the headliner, but still... he was there.)

By the way, I would highly recommend seeking out the British version of "The Office," because it really is some brilliant comedy.

At August 24, 2005 5:46 AM, Blogger David Amulet replied to my musings ...

"The Office" is on my DVDs-to-watch list. Along with something called "Star Wars," which I have heard good things about.

I always suspected that Bryan Adams was the ringleader -- do you think it's just an accident that Alanis Morissette is back, too? This just keeps getting creepier ... -- d.a.

At August 24, 2005 12:19 PM, Blogger Rebecca replied to my musings ...

im as american as they come, but i have been to canada...and, something about it seems much more pleasant that the united states - cleaner, calmer, more accented... however, there are some from that country that have some serious temper problems...i think it has to do with all the cold weather and the aggression they feel through the sport of hockey...

"the office" (british style) was an absolutely brilliant series...the american version is funny in it's own's done a bit differently, which is good...but, the original, comic genius!!

"LOST" is my only TV obsession besides "stella" and "scrubs" is FABULOUS and what a freakin' cliff hanger from last season...i can't wait until this season gets might be the best drama/adventure show on my humble opinion...

At August 29, 2005 8:21 PM, Blogger .: raven :. replied to my musings ...

hehe you're killin me :)

i loved Andrew Shue ... Billy!!!!!! i loved Melrose Place too; however, not sure i want to get that involved again.

also i thought Commander in Chief looked good .. but what the hell is wrong with Geena Davis' smile???? ack ... in a few shots it couldn't have looked more fake .. but maybe that's the point?


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